“The earth-shattering orgasms?” he jokes.
I pull away from his chest, eyeing him questioningly, my hand planted firmly above his heart. He realizes his mistake almost immediately, his facial expression rearranging into one of worry and trepidation.
“Is that what this is about for you?” I ask, suddenly feeling stupid and self-conscious and a whole other host of emotions I can’t pin down.
“Kendall, no. This is not just about hooking up or a quick fuck. It was just a joke,” he sighs and places his hand over mine.
“This is about me winning you back. This is about making things work with you if that is what you want. This is about proving to you we are meant to be together despite all the shit life has thrown our way. This is about finally being able to go after what I want and I want you, I want your whole damn heart, Kendall. I want your complicated and your messy and all your fucking baggage, our baggage.” He pauses for a second and I don’t dare say anything, worried I’ll ruin the moment. Ruin his perfect declaration of everything he has been holding on to all of these years. He caresses my bottom lip with the pad of his thumb and says softly, “The mind-blowing sex, all the times I get to hear you scream my name, the sounds you make in the dark just for me, the pieces of your soul that only I have access to—those things are just a bonus. The fortunate consequences of loving you.”
I’m certain those words will be my undoing.
“I don’t deserve you, Kai. Your understanding or your kindness. I don’t deserve any of this. Not after what I did,” I reply, wiping a stray tear from my cheek. Goddamn it, I really didn’t want to cry in front of him—not yet anyways. He kisses away the tears on my face so slowly, like he’s terrified I’ll bolt at any sudden movements.
“Regardless of what you have done or what has happened in the past, you deserve happiness and love. We deserve a realchance. And when I say we, know I mean the three of us. Me, you, and Akio. We deserve the chance to be a family. I know you don’t see that yet. But I have confidence that you will, that we’ll get there.”
I nod silently, unsure how to respond.
This isn’t the same Kai who refused to let the mask slip, who couldn’t bear the thought of wearing his heart on his sleeve. This isn’t the shy anxiety ridden teenager who blacked out in large crowds and whenever he had to speak in public. No, this Kai is dripping with confidence and smooth words. He’s willing to lay it all on the line because he knows the risk is worth the reward. This Kai has been burned and he doesn’t want vengeance or closure even. He wants a future with me.With us. The one thing I’m not positive I can give him. But I desperately want to believe I can. That this future he’s talking about isn’t some ludicrous fantasy but something we can build together, piece by piece. Brick by brick. But to do, that we have to be willing to peel back the layers and expose the cracks in our foundation, the uncomfortable truths that landed us here in the first place. And I’m not sure either of us are ready to do that yet.
“I want all those things with you too, Kai, I just…” my voice is thick in my throat, all the words I want to say stuck there.
“I know,” he squeezes my hand tightly. “It’s going to take time and patience and work. But I’m not going anywhere and neither are you this time—if I have anything to say about it,” he smiles wide, melting me into a thousand little pieces. “Now that that’s settled, how bout we eat something. I’m thinking pancakes. How do you feel about that? Does Akio like pancakes?” he asks, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. “Also, if I’m intruding, let me know. If you two need the day to yourself that’s fine.”
“He loves pancakes, and I want you to stay, Kai. Spend the day with us,” I clarify.
Spend forever with me. Spend a thousand lifetimes with me and then a thousand more. I don’t want to go one more day without you being a permanent fixture in my life.
“And that’s not just because I gave you a perfect ten out of ten orgasm?” he laughs and presses a soft kiss to my temple.
“It was a fifteen out of ten actually, and no, it’s not just because of that. You’re the better cook out of the two of us—or did you forget?” I quip and jab him with my finger. He wrestles me to the bed and starts tickling me relentlessly.
Chapter 22
Kai
Afterspendingthemorningdecidedly not taking anything slow, I slip out of her bedroom in search of ingredients for pancakes. I find oil and enough pancake mix for one batch in the cabinets and eggs in the fridge. Which is honestly better than what I’d anticipated. Kendall never really liked to cook, that much hasn’t changed.
I try to rummage around as quietly as possible for a mixing bowl, measuring cups, and utensils, hoping Kendall and Akio can rest for a little longer. Just as my head starts to drift back to her beautiful lust filled face and the sounds she makes when she’s on the edge, I hear a shuffling sound behind me. I turn around to find Akio in his bedroom doorway, blankie in hand. He walks over to me warily and looks at everything I have laid out on the counter.
I crouch down to his eye level, hands on my knees. “Hey, Mommy is still resting. I thought maybe I could make us pancakes. Have you ever made them before?”
He shakes his head no.
“Do you want to help me?” I ask and only get a slight nod in return. This kid is certainly going to make me work for it—his love, attention, and trust. And I know he has me to thank for that. I wouldn’t call myself unfriendly, but reserved, quiet, guarded—those are accurate descriptors. But I’m willing to put in the work and effort, whatever it takes. I’m more than ready to earn that title of Dad. I pull over a chair to the counter and help him stand on top of it.
“So first, we have to measure the mix. We’ll pour it in this measuring cup.” I pour in the correct amount, letting him hold the box and pour in a little too. His eyes widen as he does it and I detect the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Then I show him how to add the oil and crack the eggs into the mixing bowl, which is arguably his favorite part. He claps his hands in anticipation when I reach to get another egg from the carton.
“Do you want to try cracking some eggs in your own bowl with me?” He nods excitedly.
I get another small bowl out from the cabinet, break an egg into it demonstratively, and proceed to do one with him with my hands over his. Just as we pour the first two pancakes in the large skillet, I hear Kendall clear her throat behind me.
“So, what do we have here, chefs?” she asks, walking over to Akio and giving him a hug as she rests her chin on top of his head.
Akio shouts. “Eggs Mommy, eggs!”
She smiles at him and he grins back at her with pride, even if all he did was add more shells to the batter. She rubs her nose against his and laughs, “Theeggssmell delicious. I’ll get us some plates.” Kendall sets the table for two and pulls his highchair up to the edge.
After I remove the last pancake from the pan and slip it onto my plate, we sit around the table together. Kendall tears his pancakes into bite size pieces and pours us all glasses of orangejuice. She chuckles as Akio licks syrup and pancake crumbs off his fingers and then reaches for more. I watch her spear a piece of food with her fork and shove it in her mouth before smiling at me. She looks at me and tilts her head as if to saywhat?
