“Oh my god. Okay. Okay. Wait, what the hell do you mean she has a son? How are you just finding out about this now?”
So, I explain the whole story to him and he lets me. He doesn’t interrupt or ask questions. He doesn’t supply judgement. He gives me the space I need to share this part of my life with him and perhaps the space I need to process it. He’s kind, patient, considerate, the way I knew he would be.
“I don’t know what to do. I mean, I know I want to try and I want to be in Akio’s life but…”
“But she hurt you and lied to you,” he finishes.
“Yeah,” I admit.
“I mean, this is Kendall we’re talking about. She’s family for god sake. If she lied about Akio, kept this from you, she probably had a really good reason. I’m not saying just trust her again. I’m not saying forgive her but…It’s Kendall.”
“Yeah I know,” I reply.
“What does your gut say?”
“My gut says we aren’t done.”
Chapter 26
Kendall
Here’sthething.Thecynics, the critics claim chivalry is dead, that all the good ones are already taken. Those people have never met Kai Matsumoto. Those people have never been on a first date with him. Or in my case, a second first date with him.
He shows up at my apartment with flowers, because of course he has flowers, and that gorgeous smile that does stupid, crazy, beautiful things to my heart. His entire presence sets me off kilter and causes my chest to constrict. The smell of his cologne, woodsy with a hint of spice, the way he moves with quiet grace and confidence, the way he looks at me like I alone am tethering him to this earth. I have to check my pulse to make sure I am, in fact, still breathing. He asks all the right questions, compliments my outfit, holds the door open for me. Stares at me once, twice,threetimes like he can’t believe I’m real. And I remember all the little, insignificant, subtle reasons I fell in love with him alongside all the obvious ones.
And isn’t that what love is? All the invisible things, the million nuances, that when added up and taken together make someone you can’t stand to live without.
***
Thewalkfrommyapartment complex to his car is short but cold. The gray February day frozen and biting at our skin. Kai curls a protective arm around me, tucking me into his side as we hurry through the parking lot and I’m grateful he can still read me like an open book. Once we get in the car, we sit in comfortable silence broken up by easy smiles and stolen glances. He takes my hand in his, interlacing our fingers and the car suddenly feels like it’s a thousand degrees inside. The toasty heated seats, his presence, and the feel of his skin against mine sets my nerves on fire and thaws my frigid body.
How is it that we’re this close and still not close enough?
He gets off the exit and all at once, I’m struck by reminders of our youth; the nostalgia for simpler times caresses me like a gentle hug. We pass by familiar streets and restaurants. Hyde park where we spent hours as kids running around, playing, climbing trees, and getting dirt under our fingernails. Jefferson’s, the convenience store Kai’s dad always used to send him and his brother to for miscellaneous supplies and tools. I’ve tried to erase his dad from my memories. I don’t want them to be tainted by pain. But so much of Kai and his family are ingrained in my childhood. Some places have been demolished, restored, renovated, while other buildings remain untouched by time or circumstance. And I start to believe if a town can survive like this, growing and evolving, adapting and changing, bearing witness to both heartache and hope, yet still retain its unshakeable foundation, the very essence that makes it uniquely and distinctly what it is—if a town can survive this way, maybewe can too. Maybe this thing we used to call us is salvageable after all.
Kai parks the car and quickly skirts around to the passenger side to hold my door open for me. He ushers me inside, his hand resting on the small of my back. It’s electrifying, taking root somewhere deep in my body. We walk in the front door of the café and my senses are flooded with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sugary pastries.
In the back, we find a table tucked into the corner, away from prying eyes. I slide into my chair first and just as he’s about to sit down, he surprises me by pulling it to the right. Before I can register his movements, he huffs, “Fuck this, the whole point of going on a date is being able to do things like this.” He sits down next to me, his face centimeters from mine, and without the distance of a table separating us, all bets are off. It’s more intimate, romantic, and he’s so close I can smell his aftershave. He leans in, invading my space and intertwines our hands, his legs knocking against mine underneath the table. Pressing a soft kiss to my temple, he grazes the curve of my ear with his mouth.
“Not being this close to you on a daily basis is absolute fucking torture,” he whispers.
Fuck. I don’t know what I expected him to say but it definitely wasn’t that. I feel my face heating up, my cheeks burning red.How did he manage to turn my insides to mush and my core molten with just one sentence?
“Agreed,” is all I can choke out and it’s strangled.Agreed? That’s the best response I can think of?He smiles a devilishly handsome smile.
“It’s fun making you a little nervous.”
“I’m not nervous,” I respond but it’s completely unconvincing.
“Uh huh,” he laughs.
“Fine, maybe I’m just a little flustered.”
“Well, it’s nice not being the only one for once.”
“You mean I’ve ruffled the professional hockey player worth millions? I find that hard to believe.” I pause and then add, “You’re the bravest person I know, Kai.”
“Not when it comes to you. You fucking terrify me—you always have. It’s one of the things I love about you.” He still knows exactly what to say and do to make me come undone and I don’t know what to make of that. I shift forward wanting to be as close to him as possible, leaning into his chest. If I get any closer, I might as well be in his lap.
