“I am, it’s just—“
“You would have preferred me and him rode off together into the sunset and lived happily ever after?” she asks, laying the sarcasm on thick.
“No, Kendall. I would have preferred to not have met the guy you almost fell in love with tonight and then realize I was lied to again.” I volley back with a little more hostility.
“Kai, the operative term here is almost. I feel like you’re missing the most important part of what I’m telling you.”
“Kendall, the most important part to me is that you withheld the truthagain. I really couldn’t care less about the reasons. We didn’t talk or see each other for almost three years and I don’t know about you, but it was fucking torture for me,” I explain, pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes and standing up. I start pacing in front of the couch trying to keep my anger in check. “I would rather stick my foot in a vat of acid than lose you again like that. And the entire time you were keeping our son from me, so excuse me if I can’t take any more fucking dishonesty from you.”
“I’m trying to be honest now,” she whispers.
“Yeah, well, you’re three years too late for that,” I fire back without even thinking.Fuck.I regret it as soon as I say it. It’s a low blow and an immature one at that.
“I deserved that,” she answers quietly.
“No, you didn’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” I sigh. I glance at her apologetically, my hands clasped behind my head. “In the spirit of honesty, I need to tell you something and you aren’t going to like this either.” We were already unearthing secrets and emptying our closets of skeletons. I’d rather her find out now, while we were facing conflict than be blindsided by it in a few months. And as must as I hate to admit it, I’m angry with her, and part of me wants her to know what it feels like to be so broken.
“Okay…”
“After you left, when I knew it was over for good, I got really drunk and I hooked up with someone,” I explain, knowing thisis going to be the final nail in the coffin. This fight can only get worse from here.
“Okay who?” she demands.
“Allison,” I whisper.
“Allison Greer? You fucked Allison fucking Greer?! Are you serious, Kai? The one person I begged you to stay away from!” she’s yelling now as she stands up from the couch. I’m fairly certain if she were a cartoon character she’d have smoke pluming from her ears. I knew she’d be pissed, what I don’t understand is why. What exactly is her deal with Allison?
“Kendall, please let me explain. It was months after you left. I was hurt and pissed off and I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to forget about it for a night. And I think part of me wanted to hurt you too.” In my defense, it sounded much better in my head.
“So, you had revenge sex with Allison Greer?” she balks.
“Yeah, and I regretted it immediately after. I don’t even remember it,” I say, my words laced with embarrassment and shame. “Listen, I think we both need some time to cool off. I’m going back to my apartment,” I decide and grab my keys from the counter.
I have reached my limit of this god-awful argument and somehow, I’m in the wrong for fucking Allison almost two years ago? Whenshewas the one broke up withmeand then disappeared without so much as a phone call. I turn back to look at her and there are tears welling in her eyes.Shit, not exactly how I expected tonight to end. I’m pissed but I still care about her and I never want to be the reason she cries. Before I know what I’m doing, I sweep her up in my arms and bury my nose in her curls.
“I’m not going anywhere, okay? We’re not repeating past mistakes. I just need a little time.” She lets out a sob and stares up at me, her glistening eyes searching mine.
“How did you know?”
“Because I know how much reassurance means to you and how fragile this thing is between us still. I know what it is to miss you, to need you, and not have the slightest idea if you’ll ever come back to me. I may be angry but I still want you to feel safe with me, feel like you can trust me to weather everything and anything with you. Because I will.”
“Kai, you are the one that deserves reassurance right now. I fucked up again and I’m so sorry. Starting right now, there is full disclosure between us. There is nothing I want more than to earn your trust and make you feel safe too.”
I hope she can keep those promises, that what she says now is the truth. Because I really want to fucking believe her even if the past has taught me not to. I kiss her on the forehead and hug her tightly before walking out the door.
Chapter 34
Kendall
2011
Ihearothergirlsenteringthe bathroom and when I realize it’s Allison and Bianca, I quickly peel my legs up to my chest and sit on the toilet as quietly as possible. I almost drop my backpack on the floor but catch it just in time.
Allison Greer is our high school’s reigning queen bee and she knows it. All the guys want to date her and all the girls want to be her, despite her cruelty and the ability to cut you with a single glance. I fall somewhere in between, hating her but also wishing I had her gorgeous looks.
“You know she’s going to homecoming with Aiden, even though she’s technically dating Kai?” Bianca asks while applying lip gloss.Me. They’re talking about me.
“I mean, Aiden can do what he wants. We broke up two months ago and he’s overrated anyways. Kendall can have my leftovers,” Allison responds. I watch through the small slit where the stall connects to the door. Bianca pauses and shifts her body towards Allison.
