“You know what I mean,” I say, annoyed.
“So what? Let them think we had sex. We know we didn’t. And if we did, what would be so bad about that?”
“Other than ruining twelve years of friendship?”
“Kai, we’re never going to stop being friends. Stop being ridiculous and stop overthinking. We went to a party and we had fun, okay?”
“Okay, but I’m not admitting I had any fun.”
“Got it, Kai. There was no fun had by you,” she smirks. “Why do you care so much about what people think anyways?” she questions as she slides her heels back on.
“I don’t know. Thinking about what people think of me makes me really nervous. I feel like everyone is always judging me,” I explain.
“Isn’t that exhausting?”
“What?”
“Trying to be perfect for everyone else.”
“Yeah, but I’m not brave like you, Ken. I can’t just do and say whatever I want, consequences be damned.”
“Kai, I have two moms and I don’t look like either of them. And I’m the only Black girl on the gymnastics team. If I started to care too much about what people think, I’d drive myself crazy. It’s not a luxury I can afford. And you are brave,” she clarifies.
“No. I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Remember when your sister lost her kitten and you spent the whole day searching the neighborhood for it? You climbed a tree to get it out, even though you are deathly afraid of heights. You were her hero—that’s brave. And when you had to give your presentation in Mrs. Palmer’s class about the forgotten cities. You were so nervous you were vomiting like the whole week before it was due. You made me listen to it a million times and I did because I knew you hated public speaking. Then you gave your presentation, and you crushed it. And you came to this party with me because I asked you to, and you didn’t have the heart to say no. Even though all the dickheads on the team made you sleep outside naked at camp. That’s sweet and brave.”
“I don’t know if any of those things are brave.”
“Yes, they are, Kai. Your brave just isn’t as loud as mine and that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be. Come on,” she says and extends her hand to help me up off the floor. “Let’s get Jenna and then get something to eat. I’m starving.”
Chapter 51
Kai
2011
Thateveningwedecideto spend the night in and stuff our faces with greasy delicious food that would soak up any residual alcohol.
“Delivery order for Kendall?” I joke as I walk through her back door. Lucy runs up to greet me, wagging her tail. She sniffs me and inspects the bags excitedly.
“Fuck yes, Kai! I don’t think you’d make a very good delivery man though. Pretty sure breaking and entering is frowned upon when delivering food.”
“Well, lucky for you, I’m not breaking and entering since I practically live here and have a spare key. I also come bearing gifts,” I respond.
“What else did you get?” she asks as I start opening our takeout boxes.
“Provisions.”
“What kind of provisions?” She takes the brown paper bag from my hands and dumps out its contents on the kitchen table. Ibuprofen, chocolate, and a heating pad. She looks mortified. I knew this was a bad idea.
“You said you had cramps, and I didn’t want you to be in pain or anything…” My voice trails off as I try to explain my way out of this embarrassing situation. I’m in unfamiliar territory here. Thankfully Kendall doesn’t make me feel worse about it.
“That’s really sweet, Kai,” she states, a flush creeping up her neck.
“It’s no big deal. I just didn’t want to hear you complaining all night,” I tease.
“Yeah yeah. Let’s eat. Did you by any chance get—”
