“Since you didn’t knowyet, I take it the captain doesn’t either.”
“No.”
“When are you going totell him?”
“I’m not.”Lara decidedthat then and there.
“He’s a good man, Lara.He’ll do right by you and the babe.I know it.”
“What you don’t know and Ido is that’s the last thing he wants: to be tied down with a wifeand child.”
“But—”
“His orders have come.Heand his company are to join the king in Worms by month’s end, and Icannot, I will not send him off to war worrying about me and thebabe.He may not want a wife or child, but he will worry about us,because he’s a good and honorable man, and I love him too much tohave him thinking of me and the babe, to be worrying about one orboth of us dying during childbirth, as his mother did, when heshould be worrying about some Saxon trying to split his skull openwith an axe.”She shook her head and squared her shoulders.“Asselfish as this sounds, as selfish as it is, if he does come back,I want him to come back to me, to come back for me, because hewants to, not because he’s tied and bound to me by an oath he’sspoken before God to give our child a name.”
“Are you sure?”Patienceasked.“Pregnancy can make a woman do and say some crazy things,your speech just now being a good example.”
“Yes, I’m sure.”Sayingit, Lara felt a peace settle in her chest, though her belly stillroiled.She saw Patience’s pruned face and made one of her own.“And no, I won’t be changing my mind about it.”
“But raising a child onyour own?”
“Married or not, I’d beraising this child on my own until he came back.”She closed hereyes against the unbidden image of Talon lying pale as death in apool of his own blood in the meadow.“If he comes back.”
“Still, if you weremarried before he left, your child wouldn’t be born a—”
“Bastard?”
Patience had the good grace toblush.
“I may have been born abastard,” Lara said, “but I had Sophie.I was raised with love, andso will my child.”
“Of course, it will.”Patience offered a kind smile.“And when the captain returns fromthe wars in Saxony and marries you, your child will know itsfather’s love as well.”
“If he doesn’t strangle mefor not telling him first.”
***
Lara was putting a berry pie into theoven when Talon, Phillipe, Tree, and Dardinel rode in.Wolf lopedover to greet Talon as he handed a stablehand the Black’s reins,and Berta, who’d been watching Lara like a hawk since she’dreturned from her house that afternoon, glanced meaningfully atLara’s belly as Talon started toward the kitchens.
Lara sighed and wiped her floury handson her apron.She’d bet every piece of coin she’d made selling herpies to pay off her152ergild,coins Talon had never asked for, that Berta had come to the sameconclusion about her condition as Patience had.What she wouldn’tbet a single coin on was how long her condition would remainsecret.
She’d left her house not long afterPatience’s visit, leaving the property and livestock in Denys’scapable hands.She’d left Gaea there in her home barn with Honey,and ridden Shadow bareback to the keep rather than walk.She knewit was normal to feel tired during the first few months of apregnancy, but knowing it and feeling like you could fall asleepstanding on your feet was another thing entirely.Still, she wasn’tready to add fuel to Berta’s fire of conjecture, so she’d gone tothe kitchens and pared berries and rolled out dough enough for fourpies, her thank you for the troop’s sincere welcome backs.And theway they all acted as if her staying here at the keep and sleepingin the captain’s chamber were nothing unusual.
Which had her wondering if it weren’t.If he’d had mistresses live with him before.He’d told her heneeded her up at the Hollow, that he wanted her more than he’d everwanted any woman, but he’d never told her he loved her, not evenafter she’d confessed her love to him.She more than understood hisneed for freedom, and she refused to trap him with her love ortheir child.She’d meant what she told Patience.If he came back,she wanted him to come back because he wanted to, to her, forher.
Wolf nosed her leg, and she glancedfrom him to Talon as he strode past the table where three more piessat, ready to be baked, the muscle along the side of his jawticking.
“I instructed Berta youweren’t to serve in the kitchens anymore,” he said.
“I know, she told me asmuch.I wanted to bake pies for you and the men.”His browsquirked.“Free of charge.”
He chuckled as he leaned in close andran a hand down her back.“I liked it better when you baked piesjust for me,” he whispered hotly.
Lara slapped at his hand on herbackside.“I’m sure you did, you greedy man.”
“Greedy for you, mysweet.”He nibbled her neck, raising goose bumps on herarms.
“Greedy for my cooking,”she chided, shrugging his nipping lips off her neck.
