“It was me?” Thom gasped, locking eyes with her again. “This whole time—the man you want to be with but can’t—it was me?”
Brea shook her head furiously. “No!” she insisted, then grimaced. “Sort of. Listen—” She stashed the knife and held out her hands. “It’s hard to explain, but... I was in love once, and the moment I saw you... You remind me of him.”
Thom blanched. “So it isn’t me personally? I’m just your chance of being with this man you can’t have?” He wasn’t sure if that situation was better or worse.
“Thom—”
“No, it’s—that’s great, actually,” he said wryly. “Helps me feel a little less bad for you, knowing you’re using me to reconnect with your past lover.”
Brea scooted closer to the mattress’s edge. “It isn’t like that,” she protested. “Yes, you look and act like Adie in many ways, but he wasn’t—” She broke off, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
Adie. A moderately common pet form of Adem in Ephria. As a child, Thom had a friend they’d called Adie. He’d been drafted, too, and Thom had no idea where he was now, like so many of his childhood friends.
Carefully, kindly, Thom asked, “Do you want to tell me about him?”
She looked shockingly fragile as she sat there, the oil lamp’s rusty glow casting stark shadows over her dark skin. “He was an Ephrian sailor,” she said softly. “He came to Tanemisa on a merchant ship. I was training there, and we met at a tavern.”
Thom quirked his brow, realizing they had met at a tavern too.
“We became friends,” she continued. “He, uh—he was like you: dark hair, tall and muscular, bright, clever eyes. A total shit.”
Thom couldn’t help his grin. “You have terrible taste.”
“And terrible luck,” she said with false humor. “Despite myself, despite knowing he wasn’t magical, and we couldn’t have a future, we fell in love, and he...he asked me to marry him.”
Knowing the story couldn’t have a happy ending, Thom asked, “Did you say yes?”
“No.”
Thom frowned. “You refused him?”
She merely nodded.
“Why?”
“He wasn’t magical.” At Thom’s rueful look, she held up a hand. “Before you tell me what a horrible person I am, I know. I was young; the Alliance had just found me in Giyda, and I was scared. I’d made promises to the Alliance. I’d found a purpose for the first time in my life. And then Adie...”
Brea sighed. “If I could go back, I would change my answer. But I can’t.”
Thom cocked his head. “You could always find him again.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“He’s married?”
“He’s dead.”
“Oh.”
Brea gave a forlorn smile. “A week after I refused him, his ship returned to Ephria. They hit a storm, and it ripped the ship apart. He drowned. His body washed ashore. He had no identification except for a letter from me in his pocket. They returned it to me, and that was it. I’d lost my chance.”
They both stared at the floor after that. Thom didn’t know what to say. It was a heartbreaking tale, yet she’d said she was young. It likely happened over twenty years ago, if not longer. She’d moved to Wauld, became a soldier for the Alliance, and lived an entire other life. The pain couldn’t be as strong as it once was.
Yet, he knew it was devastating all the same.
“I called himmi’caro,” Brea admitted hollowly.
Thom’s gaze flashed up to find her watching him.
