We both remove our swimwear, Jess closes her eyes for a while, standing there with her boobs out in the sun. She eventually opens one eye and looks around.No one’s looking, no one’s died at the shock, no one really cares.I’m naked, very naked.
‘What if the clay gets stuck up my noo-nah?’ Jess says.
‘Then we’ll jump in the sea and wash it out with a bit of seaweed,’ I say.
She laughs until we hear a loud scream. For some reason, I cover my muff at the sound. Zara comes running over, raising her knees high to get through the sand, covered in clay. ‘Shite. I’ve lost my wedding ring,’ she says breathily.
‘In the mud?’ I ask her.
‘Were you definitely wearing it?’ Jess asks.
We look over at Miguel who is already conducting a search by digging through the mud like a puppy.
‘I never take it off. I think I got overexcited when I was exfoliating. Shitty shit. I can’t lose that. Could you all?—’
‘Help?’ I say, nodding.
Zara scans down quickly and laughs. We’re all naked. I jog over, stumbling, falling to my knees. Jess is in hysterics watching. I rake through the sand with my hands and try to stand up to steady myself. It’s very slippery though. It’s like quicksand.Please don’t be quicksand and swallow everything in its path. I stumble again and land forcefully on my arse. But then I feel something.Oh.
‘Are you OK?’ Jess asks, laughing. ‘That was quite a landing.’
Crikey. ‘I think I found her ring,’ I say, my whole body tense.
‘That’s good?’
‘No. I think when I landed, it went up…’
I can see Jess trying to work out how I landed.It’s definitely not a nostril. Her eyes widen and she cups her clay-soaked hands to her mouth.
‘Which hole?’ she whispers, trying not to laugh.
‘JESS!’ I shriek. ‘No. It’s kind of wedged in between my butt cheeks.’
‘That’s better at least,’ she says. ‘Because I’ve only known you three days so I wasn’t ready to go ring-fishing in your vag.’ She’s on the verge of hysterics now, tears are forming in her eyes.
‘Just cover me…’ I say, my fingers reaching down to the mud and in between my legs.Don’t laugh, don’t laugh.Don’t questionhow physics worked here. I can see a man peering over until Jess provides cover, blocking his field of vision. I wince as I pull it out, my teeth gritted, and I hold it up in the air, glistening in the sunlight.
‘YOU FOUND IT!’ I hear Zara shriek from ten paces away. She jogs over and grabs it, putting it right back on her finger.
‘I think it might need a wash,’ Jess says tentatively.
‘I’ll wash it off in the sea!’ Zara says, coming over to give her a messy hug. ‘I was so worried. I thought I’d lost it in a bush or something,’ she says.
And with that Jess puts her hands on my shoulders and absolutely loses it. I laugh with her. We fall into the mud and it covers every inch of us. Hair, tits, face and all. Everyone might be looking now but we honestly do not care.
30
BEN
‘Hold up. It was awhatbeach? You were all naked?’ I ask Miguel and Zara, wondering why I’m even surprised at what his little beach expedition entailed.
‘Yes, the whole beach was naked. It isnaturistalike you suggest,’ he says. ‘We need to teach you Spanish proper, we really do.’ I stand beside the padrón peppers stall as he chats to the vendor and takes a sample. ‘These peppers are very good, try try. Zara, you too baby,’ he tells her.
‘Ben, it was hilarious. I feel completely energised, nourished,’ Zara says. ‘Miguel is a genius.’
‘We play in the mud, we swim, we had snacks,’ Miguel says.
‘All naked?’ I repeat.
