I see Jess hovering at the doorway of the kitchen and Zara looks directly at her. ‘And maybe that’s where I’ve got things wrong for so many years, I’ve invested everything I have, all my spare time and energy and love into you guys. So when I started not to get it back, it…hurt.’
Bella pauses for a moment, tears clouding her eyes. ‘But we love you. I know we take the piss out of you a lot, but we do love you.’
‘I know. Sometimes I don’t always get that feeling from you three though. I get demands, criticism, sarcasm and low-key bullying.’
‘Low-key? Cringe, Mum,’ Bella says, scowling.
Zara puts her hands out to illustrate that her daughter has indeed proved her point. ‘But I do bloody love you and I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much,’ she says to Bella, putting an arm around her and kissing the top of her head. ‘But can you understand why I needed some space? Some time to be on my own?’
Bella immediately looks guilty, understanding what her mum is saying: all of that wisdom sinking in. ‘I am too much sometimes. I get that. I’m sorry.’
‘Never apologise for being too much, sweetie. It’s also what makes you great. Just appreciate that sometimes I need a break from the muchness.’
She nods, still holding on tightly to her mother’s hand. ‘You do look really well. Like healthy. Your skin is literally glowing,’ she says, reaching up to touch it.
‘That’ll be the mud. From the beach we went to earlier today,’ Zara tells her.
‘Can I go there?’ Bella asks.
‘NO,’ Zara replies firmly.
‘Why not? I’m here now,’ Bella argues.
‘It’s closed tomorrow and the next day,’ I tell her.
‘You can close a beach?’ Bella asks.
‘Yes,’ Ben says, backing me up.
Bella still eyes us all with caution, like we’re hiding secrets about her mother. I like the fight in her, the protective way she’s travelled so far to try to stage some intervention because she thought her mother was holidaying with some hot hunk in Ibiza. Despite the reckless nature of the gesture, I hope Zara sees the love behind it.
‘Ben, is she OK to stay?’ Zara asks, wearily looking over to him. ‘Naturally, I’ll pay a bit more to cover her food costs, accommodation – whatever you need.’
He smiles. ‘It’s all good. It’s only for a couple of days. Finish up here, Bella, and I can show you to your room.’
‘Can I just bunk in with you, Mum?’ Bella asks.
I like how she says it with big misty eyes to show that she missed her mum; after such a big adventure she just wants her mum close. Either that or she wants to sleep in her bed because she still doesn’t trust Ben.
Zara side-eyes her and looks over to Jess. ‘See? Whatever age they are, they never quite leave you. One kick in that bed and you’re gone, kiddo. Everyone, I am sorry about this abrupt interruption to the retreat.’
‘No apology needed,’ Ben says. ‘It’s good to meet you, Bella.’
‘Yeah,’ she says, her reply filled to the brim with nonchalance. She gets up to follow her mum to her room and they put their arms around each other. As they escape up the stairs, I sit there laughing.
‘What’s so funny?’ Ben asks.
‘I think we’ve finally met someone who doesn’t like you,’ I reply.
‘Yeah, Pedro,’ Jess says mockingly from the door before giggling. ‘I’m getting in the pool guys, going to make the most of this sunshine.’
She disappears and I’m left with Ben, alone. I remember when I was last left alone with him, he seemed to be on the verge of saying the loveliest things to me in the middle of a Spanish marketplace.Do I finish that conversation? Do I say something lovely back?He leans over and tops up my tea.
‘Salsa the cat doesn’t like me,’ he says.
‘This is true,’ I say.
‘It’s a wonder I won you over really.’
