“We will leave as soon as we can. I promise I’ll protect you, Simon. He won’t lay a finger on you or even speak to you while we’re here.”
“You think I need protection like a little wallflower? I’ve taken on men as tough as your father, Carlos. Don’t let your arrogance think I need saving by a hero, just because I made the mistake of sleeping with you.”
Carlos’ jaw clenches. His nostrils flare, the tidal wave of anger rising higher the longer we stand here.
“Don’t pretend you didn’t want me. Don’t fucking lie to my face again, Simon. I know you. That little stunt you pulled earlier proves my point.”
I mask indifference. This thing between us could never be anything more. Even if I wanted it to, which if I searched my true feelings, is what I would want in a dreamworld. But I’m too fucked up for this. The pressure alone of people knowing is enough to tip me over the edge.
“It was an itch, Carlos. That's all. Some dark need in me that I had to get out of my system.”
It is a lie. But after the way I acted earlier, I had time to think about my actions. It's toxic, what we have. It's nuclear. Anyone in the blast zone will be incinerated around us, and I can’t do it.
Carlos rushes towards me and grabs my throat. I use both hands to try and remove them, but it's like he has fixed them with a lock. Refusing to let me go.
“Your lies offend me, little lion. Don't insult my intelligence. We belong together and nothing, not even your denial is going to change that.”
“That’s your problem if you can’t accept it,” I say, struggling to get oxygen down my throat.
“He doesn’t get to take you away from me. Nobody does. I’ll tear down his entire empire before I let him use you.”
I manage with a forceful push, to get Carlos to remove his hands from my neck.
“You don’t get it, do you? There is no us. There never was. It was just a fucked up drug supplier with blood on his hands, and a fucked up guard with no brain who couldn’t resist.”
More lies. I’m becoming a pro at this.
“I’d kill everyone around us for you,” Carlos says, but not in a lovey way. More in a way that a devil warns the gods he is taking over the world. His words shock me as I’m not prepared for the truth when it comes to us. I prefer to hate him, and for him to goad me and it remain that way. We can’t have more. We can’t. I can’t lose anyone else again in my life because I felt something more for them.
“Then you’re a fool, Carlos.”
I regret the words as they leave my mouth. But it’s for the best. A second passes, then two before Carlos just walks away.
Nothing more to be said.
A pain in my chest where my heart cracks nearly brings me to my knees.
But this is for the best.
He doesn’t realize that I’m doing this for him too.
23
CARLOS
A fter leaving Simon at the fountain, I tell Lucas what has happened and task him to keep an eye on Si. I had to walk away.
My hands are shaking, my head hurts from frowning too hard, my body aches from restraining myself as anger burns in
my chest, it burns in my throat and stings my eyes.
It's not aimed at Simon.
It's aimed at the man who built this hell. The father who breaks everything he touches.
I want to tear him apart, rip him open. Destroy his life as I make him watch it all fall apart around him. I’ve never had a weak point before, never had any leverage for an enemy to use on me. But I have now and its fucking frustrating because I don’t know how to deal with it.
I’m consumed by Simon. I want him with me at all times. I can’t bear the idea of anyone touching him or even looking at him in the wrong way. I knew he stirred something different inside of me when we met, but it has multiplied and turned me into a hothead who is out for pain and blood.
