“They do. You’re too obvious with how smitten you are with me.”
He pins me with a look of disbelief.
“Carlos, shut the fuck up.”
Which I do, and he falls asleep in my arms.
And not one nightmare appeared.
Two days later and I’m still at Carlos’ apartment, and I think he was serious about me never leaving. We will have to see about that, although it’s tempting.
This place has become a safe haven for me the past two days. I’ve been able to talk openly about how I feel, which has never happened in my life. Carlos may be animalistic in his methods, maybe even sadistic, but the way he let me do what I wanted to him, let me be the one who fucked him, shifted something inside me. My perspective of control has shifted, understanding that it can be positive if used in the right way. I had no control over what happened to me all those years ago with my parents and foster care, like with Carlos’ family. But like back then, I took control of the negative and turned to a crew who, even though they were dealers, had loyalty. That then turned into having a family when I joined the brothers. Violence without morals is what we live by, protecting our own interests and fucking up whoever tries to get one over on us. That was my control. But with Carlos’ family I wasn’t prepared for it to happen when I thought I was secure. Just like Noah said, I gotta kill the demons before they kill me, and Carlos did that for me.
I’ve just gotten out of the shower, and for the first time, I attempt to take a look at my back from the side in the mirror, as best as I can. Three days ago I never intended to look. Ashamed of them, because to me it was a sign of weakness, of everything Mr. Morgan drilled into me about gay boys not being men. That was all I could think of. But now, Carlos is right. They are my tiger stripes. Stripes of honor that I survived brutality and it didn’t break me. I’m not one hundred percent there yet, but I needed that shift. Carlos won’t allow me to fade away and I need that. Someone to tell me that they won’t allow me to disappear. It needed to be him.
“Are you ready?” Carlos shouts from outside the bedroom. Shit. I’ve been too busy day dreaming and not getting ready. We are going to have a meeting with Dima and Lev. Carlos arranged it yesterday and I’m internally freaking out. Carlos has had a long talk with me about what happened after I left Brazil, and he has a proposal for the brothers. Then if that's a success, he wants us to basically be out in the open to the guys. The houses that Tyler was responsible for designing for the guards at the mansion are now finished, so everyone will be there to look.
Breathe in, and breathe out.
I open the door and Carlos looks delicious. Deep red shirt, partly open, of course. Black pants, gold necklace and a long black woolen coat. I swear he looks like he just stepped out of a fashion magazine. Whereas I look like I belong on a poster for a missing rock singer. We are so opposite in how we dress it's almost comical, but it just fits.
“Simon, we need to leave in five minutes, otherwise you can go in your robe,” he says like he’s my parent.
“Yes, sir,” I say sarcastically.
He steps forward and grabs my jaw in his hand.
“Are you trying to sass at me?”
I lean forward and suck on his lower lip before letting it go.
“Always. Gotta keep your arrogant ass on your toes.”
“Get ready before I bend you over and smack the shit out of that ass, Simon,” he says before walking away with an impressive hard on, from what I could see from the bulge in his pants. Looking down, underneath my towel I’m in the same condition.
Forty minutes later we are at the Kozlov mansion, and sitting in Dima’s office. Dima is sitting behind his desk and Lev is standing off to the side behind him, leaning against the wall. I’m sitting next to Carlos in the two leather chairs across from Dima, trying as hard as I can not to fidget.
“How was your two day vacation?” Dima asks.
“I feel a lot better. Listen, Dima, I’m sorry about what happened at the club,” I start to say, but Dima raises his hand to stop me.
“”It’s all good. Let’s just leave that in the past like it never happened.”
I nod, thankful that it will be forgotten, never mentioned again.
“So what is this meeting about? Are you leaving us to set up with Carlos?” Lev asks.
“It was me that wanted the meeting,” Carlos interrupts. “I have a proposal for you both.”
“I’m intrigued. What’s the proposal?” Dima asks.
“I’ve come into a huge sum of inheritance. I won’t explain how or why. But I was thinking of what to do with the money, and I remembered how well we all work together and the countless times we’ve helped each other out.”
“You mean us helping you out,” Lev says.
“Lev, shut up,” Dima scolds before Carlos continues.
“How would you feel about becoming partners? Combine both businesses. Fifty-fifty. I will put in a large sum of the money I have that will boost both sides and enable us to expand. Bring the distribution and selling under one umbrella.”
