He stayed there for a moment kissing up and down my thighs as I unwound, every muscle in my body turning limp.
“Goddamn it,” he said as he stood, kicking off his pants and stroking his cock and licking his lips, eyes dark and a little amused. He’d made good on his promise to ruin me. “I want to fuck you so bad, but I’m going to come, Vera. It’s been a while and it’s... you. When I fuck you, I plan on taking my time.”
I wanted to give him what he gave me. It was the only thought I had as I slid off the edge of the bed and onto my knees. Tilting my head back against the bed, I wrapped my hands around the backs of his thighs and pulled him to me, his swollen dick bobbing inches from my lips.
“You don’t even have to—I’m going to—”
But I didn’t give him a moment to finish. Instead I gripped his cock and began to polish the head of his penis with my tongue, teasing him gently.
His hand went to the back of my head, fisting my hair as he let out a painful noise. I opened my lips fully then, letting him sink all the way in to the back of my throat.
“Vera, fuck, baby... I’m going to come...” He tried to pull out, but I didn’t let him.
I wanted to share this deeply intimate moment with him even if I didn’t know what would happen when we inevitably woke up in a few hours. Even though I’d told him that I wouldn’t pretend it all away. I wanted this one moment even if, in the end, we were too complicated and impossible to untangle.
His fingers tightened in my hair as his warmth emptied down my throat.
He let out a painful grunt as he tilted my head back and watched me with awe, my lips wrapped around him. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he shuddered one last time before pulling out and crumpling to the floor in front of me.
Without any hesitation, he pulled me to him, his lips caressing mine.
I hated that most of my other sexual experiences were with Brody and so I kept comparing the two. But Brody would never kiss me after what I’d just done. I always rushed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and, already half asleep, he would call me a good girl. But it made me feel anything but good. It made me feel dirty, the same way I did when he attempted to go down on me just frequently enough to make himself feel like oral sex was a two-way street.
Eli sat back on the carpet and pulled me between his legs. His kisses were soft as he stroked my cheek and rubbed up and down my spine.
When he pulled away, my lips moved silently, searching for a way to tell him I wasn’t ready for him to let go. But I was immediately sated as he tucked my head against his chest and placed a collection of kisses against my hair.
“No disappearing,” he muttered. “If we go to sleep, I can’t wake up to find that you’ve disappeared.”
I nodded, because even if it was messy and scary, I didn’t want to disappear either.
ELIAS BUCKLEY
NINETEEN YEARS AGO
THE MORNING AFTER
I was normally a fitful sleeper. My exes rarely stayed the night because I’d never been a good bed partner.
But that night with Vera, my limbs were heavy from the adrenaline crash and something that felt like serenity. At one point in the early hours of the morning, my body jerked awake as I tried to recall where I was.
It took a moment to realize the warmth radiating beside me was a nearly naked Vera tangled in the sheets, her body curled against my side. I was hard again, but she looked too peaceful for me to wake. Wisps of hair curled around her ear and after a moment of memorizing this feeling, I settled down with her back pressed against my chest and fell asleep.
* * *
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” a voice said in a hushed shout. “Wake up. Eli! Wake. Up.”
My response was delayed, but eventually I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I glanced down to find the blankets had been ripped from the bed and Vera was pacing the length of the room, wrapped in hotel bedding.
Our rented wedding clothes littered the floor and the newlyweds’ cake sat on the side table where we left it, stuck with two forks and most of the cherries missing.
Oh god. Panic gripped me. What if Vera... what if she was more drunk last night than I thought? What if she woke up and didn’t realize what had happened?
“Are you okay?” I asked, pulling a pillow into my lap. “Do you want to talk—”
She turned to me, eyes welling with tears. “Brody’s awake. He just yelled out that he was going for coffee.”
“So glad he didn’t die of alcohol poisoning,” I said, relaxing slightly against the headboard.
