Only it's not really a Maddie thing, to kiss impulsively and then pretend it didn't happen, is it? It's not an old Maddie thing, anyway. But the woman who is haunting my dreams even awake is not the old Maddie. I need to remember that.
The Maddie living under my roof is a grown woman. A woman who might be able to kiss without having feelings attached to it, for all I know.
So why am I avoiding her, anyway? If she's not making a big deal out of our kiss, then neither should I.
Yes, that's what I'll do. Starting tomorrow, I won't avoid Maddie anymore.
I growl and curse to myself as I leave the study.
The hall is dark. I know the layout of Stronghold the way I know my own reflection, every turn and every draft and every place the floorboards creak. My feet carry me toward the kitchen on the logic that she might be there, and if she's not I'll leave the envelope on the counter and avoid the entire conversation like a functional adult, which is also a perfectly valid approach for a rational man.
She is there, just like I hoped. And like I dreaded. I'm not sure which anymore.
The island light is on and she's at the counter with her back to me. Her dark hair is loose around her shoulders and falls around to the small of her back in a silky smooth curtain that immediately twists my stomach into knots. She wears another nightgown, this time pale blue with a lace trim around the bottom and my eyes trail down her shapely legs to her bare feet on the tile floor.
I take about half a second to understand that I made a terrible mistake. I don't know if it was just a kiss for Maddie, but I know that for me, it wasn't just a kiss.
Nothing is just when it comes to Maddie. Not for me. Not back then and certainly not now.
Thing is, I'm aware that I'm standing there like a creep, watching her as she pours boiling water into a mug.
I clear my throat.
She turns too fast and some hot water spills on her hand.
"Ow! Shit!" Maddie shouts as she puts the mug down just a little too sharply on the countertop. She wipes her hand on a towel, then takes a second look at me, casting a long glance up and down my body with an expression that makes me want to crawl back upstairs. "You're not in a suit. Wow. Color me officially impressed. I really was afraid you'd been sleeping in one at that point."
I look down at my grey t-shirt and my dark jeans, annoyed that she managed to throw me off balance. "For your information, I own plenty of non-suit clothing items."
"Progress," she says, turning back to her mug. She brings it to her lips and takes the tiniest, most careful sip while staring at me over the rim. "Only about four more garments to go before you qualify as a normal person."
I shake my head, unable to maintain my annoyance. "That mouth of yours really should get you in trouble more often."
She smirks, her face still half hidden by the mug. "That's because of my irresistible charm. People love a sassy girl."
And there it is, that tiny bubble of chuckle slips out of me before I realize I'm laughing. I've only been back in Maddie's orbit a few weeks, and in that time, I've laughed more often than in the past ten years combined. Pretty sure she would find it sad if she knew.
Silence stretches between us as I shift my weight from hooves to hooves.
"I have something for you," I blurt out, happy to have found a good reason to break the awkwardness. I pull out my checkbookfrom my jeans' back pocket and set it on the table as I retrieve a pen from the far right drawer of the cabinet where I know Mrs. Fairweather keeps some. "It's been two weeks."
Maddie says nothing as I write the check. I glance up and see her watching me, an expression I can't pinpoint on her lovely face. Then I hand her the check and she stares at it for a few seconds before taking it.
She looks at the piece of paper, then back at me for a beat. She puts her mug and the check down on the countertop beside her and crosses her arms, staring at me.
"Why?"
I blink, confused. "Why what?"
Maddie chuckles, but it's a humorless chuckle.
"Would you have given me this," she says, flipping the check in the air, "if I hadn't kissed you?"
My brain stalls out completely, which is a new and unwelcome experience for me.
"I'm afraid I don't understand." And I don't. "You didn't expect me to pay you?"
Maddie scoffs and then glares at me, seeing straight through me, like she always did.
