He walks closer but holds himself at arm’s length.The light behind him plunges most of his expression into shadow, yet somehow I’m certain that if I could see his face, I would see guilt and sadness.An aching apology I can already feel in the air.
“Normally, no one here would harm you, regardless of whether you’ve accepted your role as consort or not,” he says, voice quiet.“But with so many of us injured as we were, the temptation of fresh blood might have been too sweet to ignore for some.It was a risk Aziel decided we couldn’t afford.And while I hate how he handled it, I do agree he was right.”
I bristle and take a step forward.“I did accept my role!”My voice rises and pinches somehow simultaneously.“You were the one who rejected me.Don’t twist that.”My heart seizes, too many half-formed thoughts racing through my mind for me to catch any one.“Instead, you left me up there, locked away.How long would you have left me if I had waited for you, Mateo?Days?Weeks?”Tears pour from my eyes.“I’m glad you’re doing better.I am.But if you’re always going to have an excuse to hold me at arm’s length, and if I’m always going to be locked away because, spirits forbid, I’m human, then I can’t stay.”
Mateo’s eyes widen enough that I can see the shape of them in the poor lighting, and pain lances through me, nearly knocking the breath from my chest.At the same time, he reaches up and curls a fistful of his own shirt, as if he feels it, too.
But my pain is internal—the final spear through my heart—so I push on with the words I’m trying to say.It doesn’t matter if I have somehow fallen in love with him.It doesn’t matter to anyone, so I can’t let it matter to me.I could trust him with myself, my safety, and my heart—if he reached back—but he hasn’t.
“I’m no expert,” I say, the strength of my words failing, “but love shouldn’t be conditional, Mateo.It hurts ...even to say all of this.But I have to have boundaries.And I meant it when I said I wouldn’t accept being locked up anymore.So, even if that monster is still out there somewhere, I’ll have to take the risk.I have to do what’s best for—”
Mateo makes a strangled, growling sound, and the next thing I know, the room is spinning.Rather, I’m spinning through it until I’m quite suddenly dropped onto the bed, my knees hanging off the edge, and Mateo is scowling above me.
My body and brain have very different reactions to this, all of which only serve to fluster my heart further.
“I can’t let you do that, Harlow,” he says, his voice too gruff.It’s hard to read his tone, but the pain in his eyes is undeniable.“I know.I know locking you in that room was the worst thing, and if I’d been able to get out of bed, I would’ve come to get you.”
I frown, trying to tell myself that his words are not an apology.“You weren’t even in bed.”
A grimace pulls at his lips, and he bows his head like he might kiss my cheek, but he stops himself.“I blacked out,” he murmurs.“As soon as Aziel sealed you into the room, losing my anchor to you zapped my strength.Next thing I knew, it was halfway through the next night, and I was in so much pain I couldn’t think straight.If I’d seen or scented you in that state, I could’ve seriously hurt you.”
My heart aches.I know perfectly well he was terribly hurt.My hands stretch up to his face, fingers brushing along his jaw.“Is that ...is that the real reason you refused me?”
His eyes close, and he leans into my touch, drawing a deep breath.“In the moment, yes.”
“In the moment?”I don’t mean to repeat the words out loud, but I have.Might as well finish the thought.“Does that mean you have another reason now?”
He opens his eyes, expression somber, dark eyes burning.“When you offered yourself to me before,” he says, “emotions were running high.Adrenaline was pumping.I would understand if you had realized you weren’t thinking clearly or far enough ahead.We haven’t talked thoroughly about everything a consort means and all the consequences—”
Agitation flashes through me, and I grab his hair, yanking Mateo down until our lips crash together.The kiss is almost painful at first, but then he groans against me and sucks my tongue into his mouth.One of his hands tangles in my hair, and he reaches down with the other, digging his fingers into my thigh.
It takes no time at all for all my frenzied emotions to melt into burning need.
Of all the things I’m still certain of, it’s that something deep inside me has chosen this man.Love almost doesn’t seem like a strong enough word for the feeling.
My tongue ghosts across one of his fangs, and Mateo goes stiff before pulling abruptly away.Just enough to break our kiss and meet my eyes.I can still feel the heavy length of him against me, taunting me.
“Harlow...”
Nerves threaten, and I swallow.“Consorts are like vampire soulmates, right?That’s why you call me your soul?”I lick my lips and watch his eyes track the movement.“Why should I be afraid of that?Why ...won’t you listen when I tell you I want it—wantyou?”
His eyes flash, and his nostrils flare as he studies me.“You can forgive me?For letting them do that to you?”
I consider demanding an apology, but I feel like we’re on a precipice, and crossing this threshold is much more important than articulating words I can see in his eyes.“If we bond like Kyson and Scarlet have, it won’t have to happen again, right?”
“It won’t.”
My smile is genuine, as is my answer.“Then yes, Mateo.I can forgive you.”I reach for him again without thought.“Because I love you.”
His exhale feels like a weight having been tossed aside after far too long.“Let me make it right,mi alma,” he murmurs as he leans toward me again.He angles his head and nuzzles my jaw.“I might still be a little rough if I bite you tonight.”He doesn’t lift his head, instead following his words with a trace of his tongue against my skin and a throaty groan I feel straight to my core.
I slip my fingers into his hair.“Maybe that’s how I want it.”
