“Mom is learning all of the new terms from Raven,” Bliss said. “I’m proud of her for moving from the Eighties into this century.”
“I’ll help you out, Mom,” Dallas offered. “In this case, Blake could’ve said ‘Lennox got me fucked up’ or you could’ve told her this: ‘Blake, you gotmefucked up.’”
“Ah.” Mom tapped her chin. “I’ll do better next time.” She gave Dallas a high five. “Anyway, sometimes I wonder where we went wrong with you all.”
“That’s messed up, Mom,” Paityn said.
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” my mother explained. “I just meant we’ve done our best to show you kids how freeing it is to love someone with everything in you. When I married your father, we vowed to do that for our kids, because we didn’t see it from our parents. And we did that because we wanted all of you to believe in romantic love, in the unconditional love between spouses.”
“I think you and Dad did a great job,” Bliss said.
Mom patted Bliss’ knee. “Thanks, baby.” She looked at me. “Blake, please don’t sabotage your chance at forever because you’re scared.”
Tears burned my eyes and tickled my nose. But this time I let them fall. “I always wonder if he’ll get tired of me, that he’ll realize I’m too jaded for him. It’s easier to walk away from a bad relationship than to love someone so much…” My voice cracked. “And they leave you.”
“You can’t think like that,” Paityn said. “You’ll never be happy waiting on someone to leave you.”
“I think you’re so used to having control in every relationship that you’re flipping out because you can’t control Lennox,” Dallas suggested.
“Not just that,” Bliss cut in, “you’ve realized you can’t control your feelings for him, either.”
My feelings for Lennox had overwhelmed me for quite some time, and they just kept growing every day—whenever I looked into his eyes, every time he kissed me, any time we made love. I’d lost myself in him and it wasn’t a bad feeling; it was actually liberating.
“Babe, I love you so much. You’re my fighter. You’ve fought for your sisters, for your brothers, for us, for yourself. How about you try fighting for Lennox? Because I think you’d do yourself more harm by letting him walk away than letting him love you.”
I wiped my eyes. “You’re right. I’m not used to losing control, and it’s…hard.”
“It’s okay to admit something’s hard for you,” Mom said. “But don’t tell us. You need to be having this conversation with Lennox.”
My watch buzzed. I peered at the face. “Bliss, can you give me my phone? It’s Jace.”
Bliss grabbed my phone from a nearby lounger and handed it to me.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Blake?” Jace called.
“Yes. What’s up?”
“It’s Lennox.”
My stomach tightened. Gripping my phone, I asked, “What is it?”
“There was a fire.”
I sat up, nearly losing my balance and falling into the water. It was only Paityn’s steady hand on my arm that held me upright. “Is he okay?”
“The doctors are treating him for burns and severe smoke inhalation. They’re optimistic, but we don’t know the extent of the damage yet. You should come.”
I tossed the phone to Bliss, and she immediately started asking Jace more questions. Jumping off the floater, I swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out, sprinting into the house to pack my bags. Because the only thing I cared about in that moment was getting to Lennox. I’d wasted so much time on bullshit, and it was time to make it right. It was time to tell him how much he meant to me. And I prayed to God it wasn’t too late.
Chapter 13
The Way Love Goes
Lennox
The confusion, Julia’s screams, the suffocating smoke, the heat of the flames, the excruciating pain, and the smell of burnt flesh had haunted me in my dreams. I couldn’t think about what I would lose in the fire. I couldn’t take time to grab my favorite books or my artwork or my photos. I had to focus on getting her out of there. I remembered spotting her on the ground, pinned down by a large piece of wood. I remembered pulling her from under it and picking her up. I remembered other people, students trying to help me, trying to grab things. I remember struggling to breathe and feeling like I wasn’t going to make it. I remembered thinking about Blake, wondering if my parents and sisters would be okay without me. I remembered emerging from the building and the sting of the air against my skin. Then, everything had gone black.
