Charlye:Julia took a turn. Not looking good.
ChapterFive
HEAVEN CAN WAIT
Charlye
Time is not promised to anyone.
It was something my mother had told me at a young age. It was her attempt to encourage me to take risks, to let me know how precious the little moments were with the people I loved. In hindsight, it was also ironic because Mom had spent decades living in a marriage where she hadn’t felt seen, denying her true self because of societal norms, because she’d been taught that it was wrong to walk away. She once told me that when she made the choice to leave my father, it was the first time she’d chosen herself above obligation. Since then, she’d become an advocate for a woman’s right to choose their own path.
My mother spent countless hours working to improve the lives of women of color, through her job as an attorney, her faculty position at University of Michigan Law School, and her work with the Color of Law Organization she was so involved in. She’d been a rock to us, to her students, to her mentees, and to her clients. But her rock? The person she counted on, the person she shared her life with, the woman she’d vowed to love in sickness and health, forsaking all others was… dying. And my mother, my Wonder Woman, was inconsolable.
The sound of my mother’s loud wail when the oncologist finally uttered the words no one wanted to hear still echoed through my mind. Haunted me. I wanted to take the pain away, but I knew I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was come. Several weeks had passed since my brother married the love of his life and I’d dropped everything to support my mother as she prepared to lose hers.
“Char?” My mother dipped her tea bag into her favorite mug. “Are you sure you don’t need to go home?”
She’d asked me that every single morning since I’d been there. And I always answered in the same way. “I’m where I need to be.”
“What about work?”
“I have a lot of vacation time.” Because I never took time off. Every New Year’s Eve, I vowed to take a trip or two, but it never seemed to happen.
“Thank you, sweetie. I know Julia is glad you’re here.” Her chin trembled. “I’m just happy she was able to enjoy her…” she closed her eyes and tears spilled down her cheeks. “…last Christmas with family who loves her. Thank you for frying her chicken for New Year’s. She hasn’t stopped teasing me about how it’s time for me to crown you the queen of the batter.”
I walked around the island, wrapped my arms around my mother’s waist, and squeezed. “Don’t worry. I’ll give you my recipe.” I kissed her cheek.
Mom chuckled and rested her head against mine. “Ha.”
We stood like that for a moment. No words. I just wanted to hold her like she’d always held me when I was in pain. “Mom, I can’t tell you everything’s going to be okay, because it’s not. But I can tell you that Julia loves you so much. She appreciates everything that you’ve done for her, everything you’ve brought to her life. If you ever wonder if you’ve done enough, you have.”
Her shoulders slumped and she leaned into me, finally allowing me to hold her up. “I love you so much, baby girl. You have been a joy in my life. I appreciate that you’re here. I don’t know how I would do this without you.”
Tears burned my throat. My mother had grown up one of six children. My grandmother breathed church. Mom had told stories about attending service every day of the week, being made to tarry at the altar by church elders, standing in line to get smacked on the hand for talking too much in Sunday School Class. To this day, my mother hated to take her earrings off because the church mothers used to make her do it. And once she was old enough to choose, she’d chosen to leave the organized church. Even after she’d married my father, who was the son of a popular pastor in the area, she’d made it a point to attend service only when she wanted to. And she never made us go.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t until she married Julia that she’d decided to join a church again. The two had attended service every Sunday and were very active and well-loved members of their congregation.
With a heavy sigh, my mother pulled back and wiped her face with a paper towel. “I better go check on Julia.”
“I’ll do it,” I offered. “Why don’t you go take a bath? Relax a little.”
“Are you sure? I want you to get out of this house. You’ve been here day in and day out. Maybe you and Dex can go out to dinner, catch a movie?”
The Young family had been a huge support during this difficult time, especially Mama V and Dex. The two of them had tag teamed, spearheading an effort to ensure there were meals in the house and relief when we needed to get away. Thanks to them, we never had to worry about food. They’d also hired someone to clean the house and take care of the laundry. Dex took me for walks around the neighborhood, watched movies with me while I cried, and stayed with Julia so I could go get my hair done one day.
It had been weeks, but I still dreamed about his lips against mine, his tongue on my clit, the way he made my knees weak. His voice… I still couldn’t get over how I’d shared something so personal with him with no hesitation, that I’d basically asked for what I wanted. And he’d given it to me.
When I’d texted him the next morning, it didn’t feel awkward. There was no weird side hug when he picked me up from the airport, no stop-and-start sentences, no averted glances. From the moment I arrived in Michigan, he’d been the Dex I’ve always known. Which was both comforting and terrifying.Comforting, because I needed him.Terrifying, because I couldn’t help but want more. We hadn’t spoken about our interlude, but I wanted to. I had to know if it meant as much to him as it did to me. Not just the act itself, but the way he was with me—protective, tender, sweet…Hewas just what I needed in that moment.
“Babe?” my mother called, pulling me from my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “I’m fine.”
“Did you hear what I said about Dex?”
“Yeah. I’ll call if I want to get out.”
She cupped my cheek. “I just don’t want you to burn out.”
