“Seriously, Duke. What is your thing with Tristan?” I’d seen the brothers fight many times over the years, but I didn’t know why there was so much tension between them. That dynamic predated my time with them. “Why can’t you stand him?”
“I love my brother. Maybe that’s why I can recognize that he’s full of shit.” He sighed, shifting to face me. “The real question is whycanyou stand him? It’s not like he’s consistent. He makes every gathering, every event, hard. He doesn’t show up for you.”
My feelings for Tristan had consumed my life for so long, I didn’t even remember all the reasons. Just the major ones. “He was the first person to stand up to my father. For me. His life changed because of that.”
“His life changed because of him,” Duke countered. “He was already going to the military. That incident just moved the date up.”
I didn’t know that. “Even so… He didn’t have to put his freedom on the line for me.”
“And you didn’t have to place him on a pedestal because he did the right thing at the right time.”
She sighed. “You just won’t let me have this, will you?”
“He doesn’t deserve this blind loyalty you have for him.”
“I guess I could see something in him that nobody else could see, ya know?”
“Are you sure you’re not just making up shit in your head to justify this decades-long crush you’ve had on him?”
Damn. Rubbing the back of my head, I muttered, “That’s rough.”
“This isn’t just about Tristan either. For some reason, you’ve entered these relationships with fuckin’ idiots, like Dorian, because you know they don’t measure up. Maybe subconsciously you think that you’re going to end up with Tristan? Either way, you refuse to see the situation for what it is.”
“What is it?”
“He doesn’t want you.” That cold truth stung as if he’d slapped me on my face. “If he did, he’d be with you. If he did, you wouldn’t be here with me smoking this weed.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “I don’t know why I’m like this.”
He kissed the top of my head. “The good news is you can choose not to be that woman anymore.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “You always show up for me.”
“And you always do some crazy shit like marching yo’ ass outside like it’s summer and we’re not in the mountains.”
“Shut up,” I said, shoving him away.
“Shoulda seen your butt…” He stood and stomped back into the house. Then, back out. “Dropping your Secret Santa name on the floor and shit. Now we have to go through that entire process again.”
I dissolved into a fit of giggles at Duke’s antics. “I was upset.”
“Next time be upsetandmake good choices.”
“I’ll remember to keep my emotions in check.”
“Trust me.” He hit the blunt again. “If you don’t learn anything from me, remember that life goes on after someone pisses you off. You have to decide if you’re going to roll with it or stop living because of it.”
It was way past time for me to get my shit together. I counseled women on the verge of leaving their significant others every day. I’ve held hands and Kleenex, gave hugs, threatened abusive husbands… I’d even stepped in front of a few of them to keep them from hitting a client.Several times. None of that stopped me from doing my job. But when it came to my personal life? I’d twisted myself into knots trying to appear like I had it together. When, in reality, I didn’t lose control. I gave it away. First to Tristan because I’d made him the hero in my story. Then to Dorian because I’d become complacent in my own life.No more.
Decision made, I gave Duke a sidelong glance. “I think I’ma roll with it.”
He gave me a fist bump. “You really have no choice.”
“I just need you to stop knowing shit.”
A smirk formed on his lips. “I can only be me.”
We sat there in comfortable silence for a few minutes. “Duke?”
