I fiddled with my hands nervously. “I feel like I need to explain myself.”
“You don’t,” she said. “You’re both adults. And honestly it’s none of my business.” Her expression softened as her shoulders fell. “Or anyone else’s.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” I dropped my purse on the couch and shuffled toward his bedroom.
I’d only taken two steps before Paityn stopped me. “Rissa?”
I froze. “Yes?”
“He won’t tell you he needs you, but he does.”
Nodding, I opened the door and stepped into the room. Asa was lying on his stomach, head buried in a pillow. I kicked my shoes off, climbed onto the mattress, kissed the back of his neck, and wrapped my arms around him.
A few minutes later, he turned over and pulled me into his side. “Tyn knows.”
“Yeah,” I confirmed, meeting his gaze. “But that’s not important right now. You are.”
“I was irritated with you when you left me.”
The change in subject was a little jarring, but I rolled with it. “I know and I?—”
“Let me finish,” he said softly. “I thought it was fucked up. But in hindsight, you gave me a gift. I was too busy. I canceled on her at least three times. Then, I chose to see you before her.”
A surge of guilt crashed over me then settled like a heavy weight in my stomach. “Asa,” I whispered, as I struggled to find words for the moment.
“But when you left,” he continued. “I sat with her. I met Karma. We talked. I told her I loved her.” A single tear fell down his cheek as his chin trembled. “And she loved me.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “She definitely loved you.”
He nodded. “She wasmyperson . . .” His voice cracked with emotion. “I can’t believe she’s gone, that I’ll never see her again. I’ll never get to tell her that her choice in men—or women—sucked. I’ll never beat her atMaddenagain. I’ll never hear her laugh or see her smile.”
“It hurts now,” I said, “but I have to believe that she’ll always be with you in some way. One day, you’ll be walking and something will come to mind. Then, you’ll laugh because you can imagine her laughing. And Ezra . . .”
He stiffened beneath me.
It was subtle, but I noticed it because we were so close. I wondered if the mere mention of Ezra overwhelmed him because he’d reacted similarly when Paityn brought the baby up. I knew that he thought of him as his nephew, and understood that the thought of a little boy living without his mother was difficult to process. But something felt off.
Frowning, I searched his eyes and continued cautiously, “He will need his Uncle Asa more than ever.”
“Gemma didn’t want a funeral,” he said, once again changing the subject.
Again, I pivoted. “Okay, I’ll make sure Tyn knows.”
“She hated them. Didn’t think sitting in a stuffy church, staring at the lifeless body of a loved one, with people she didn’t know, made grief less bearable.”
When Gemma’s father died, there was a huge funeral because he was a beloved pastor in their community. And when her mother died, Gemma didn’t even go to the service.
“I get it.” I rested my chin on his chest. “Whatever you think is best, we’ll do.”
“She was so still,” he murmured. “I can’t get the image out of my head.”
I knew that feeling firsthand because I was the one who had to identify my brother’s body. “It’s hard,” I acknowledged. “But I promise you’ll be able to envision her healthy and happy eventually.”
“I hope so.” He placed a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. It was so tender, so sweet, my heart skipped a beat. “Thank you for not pushing me away when Tyn saw me holding your hand.”
“Well, you did have me in a vise grip,” I quipped.
A half-smirk, half-smile formed on his lips and my breath caught in my throat. It was so beautiful.Hewas so beautiful.
