“What are you apologizing for?” he asked.
“For hurting you.”
“You didn’t hurt me.”
“Asa, I?—”
“You told me what I needed to hear without saying a word.”
My stomach dropped. “No, that’s not true.”
“Chunk’s paternity has been established. Custody has been settled. It’s time for me to go home.”
Frowning, I sat up. I wouldn’t tell him that he couldn’t go, because I always wanted him to do what he needed to do for himself. For Ezra. “Why now? I thought you liked it here.”
“I need to work.”
“You have clients here,” I said. “You did a training session yesterday.”
“But my life is in Michigan. Gemma’s been gone for three months, and I’ve been slowly putting my life back together, trying to get Ezra to a place of normalcy. You’ve helped me with that, but my parents, my sisters . . . My support is there.”
He was right. Aside from Tyn, everyone he loved lived somewhere else. Ann Arbor, Atlanta . . . I couldn’t fault him for wanting to be near his family. Because a few months ago, I’d felt the same way. Unsettled. Isolated. Alone. Stuck in a place of uncertainty. Feeling like I wanted something different but not knowing what that something was.
“I thought you loved it here,” I said, in some sort of lame attempt to keep him with me.
“I loveyou.”
My eyes snapped toward him. “What?”
“Rissa, you have to know how I feel about you, how I’ve always felt. It started as an innocent crush on my big sister’s best friend. Then it became a dream deferred, something I never thought would come true, but something I could never let go of. When I came to your hotel room, that was me touching the sun. It was only supposed to be a moment in time. Then, it became more than sex, more than a lil light thang.”
Unable to help myself, I giggled.
“When Gemma died, as much as I didn’t want it to happen, I expected things to change between us. I’m someone’s daddy now. I’m my son’s world, the only parent he has left. I love you, but I’m not going to chase you. I’m not going to wait around for you tonotbe scared to love me.”
“Asa, I?—”
He trailed a finger over my brow, down my cheek, over my lips. “I get it. Rick broke your heart. I hate that muthafucka for that. And I love you enough to not hold it against you if you can’t give me what I want. But this thing we got going on . . .”—He squeezed my hand—“is not enough for me. Not anymore.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Ezra standing on wobbly legs. “Oh my God.”
Asa sat up.
I held an arm out, signaling for him to stay still. “Wait . . .”
Ezra took one step, then fell on his little butt.
Watching Asa scoophisson up and lift him over his head, telling Ezra that he was proud of him, I knew that I’d fucked up. But the moment I should’ve told my truth had passed.
“I have to call my mother,” Asa said, carrying Ezra out of the room, leaving me with my own thoughts.
I took a deep breath and fell back on the rug. Asa had placed his heart in my hands. Now, the only question was . . .
Can I hold it close, keep it safe, and give him mine in return?
nine
ALL COMES DOWN TO YOU
