Turned out, he actuallydidhave an ear infection this time.
The baby’s fever climbed to one-hundred-two degrees, which prompted Asa to call the pediatrician. We spent the rest of that night in the emergency room and the following days taking care of Ezra.
Once the baby felt better, Asa took him to Michigan for a visit and I came to Atlanta. With everything happening so fast, I never found the right time to talk to him.
“It felt wrong to tell him while his baby was miserable.”
And even if Ezra was perfectly healthy, I’m still not sure I would’ve said anything.
My sister raised a knowing brow. “Is that it?”
“Okay, I was being a lil punk.”
Zara snorted, covering her mouth in a failed attempt to hide her wide smile. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, but that was funny.”
“I can’t help it,” I continued. “I’m scared as fuck.”
I’d done the thing I’d clowned other people for doing so many times. When Tyn nearly fucked up her relationship with Bishop, I gave her some cold, hard truths with no apology. When Zara set rules of engagement for X, I told her she was trippin’. When my mother hesitated on applying to Le Cordon Bleu, I told her to take her ass to Paris. Respectfully, of course.
But . . .
When I needed to pull my own head out of my ass, I couldn’t seem to find the courage to do so.
I knew my father was a bum-ass nigga when he failed to come to my high school graduation because he was busy, so I cut him off. I knew Rick wasn’t going to change, so I made the change for both of us. I knew my job would only continue to take from me without giving me much in return, so I quit. And I knew Asa would flip my world upside down the moment he told me he wanted to fuck me through the weekend, so I let him.
What I didn’t know was that he would continue to fuck me after my surgery, through my bad days and during my good ones. He’d fucked me until my bones and muscles ached.
What I didn’t know was that I would love him in an all-consuming, soul-deep, profound, and unconditional way.
It didn’t matter that there might be lil Asas or Asalinas in different area codes. It didn’t matter that he was a single father. It damn sure didn’t matter that he was seven years younger than me.
Nothing had ever felt like this.
“Why? You never have a problem telling people how you feel.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I admitted.
“What’s your hesitation with Asa? Tyn?”
I shook my head. “No, Tyn knows. And Bliss caught us?—”
Her eyes widened. “Fucking?”
“No. You’re worse than Mom.” I averted my gaze. “Bliss walked inbeforethe dick came out.”
“Whoa!” Zara grinned. “Does the rest of the family know?”
“If they do, they haven’t said anything to me.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “They know. All of them know how to mind their business. Except Dallas.”
Cracking up, I agreed with her. “I don’t think they would be mad. And I wouldn’t care if they were. The only person I was concerned with was Tyn, and she’s good with it.” Actually, my best friend hadn’t even brought it up again. I’d talked toherabout it a few weeks ago, just to see where her head was. “She told me to do my thing but don’t break her brother’s heart.”
And then I went and broke her brother’s heart.
Zara cringed, seemingly understanding the irony. “Well . . . Now you just need to make a decision. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“He’s young, Zara.”
