That’s my irritation; if I had the conviction to stand behind what I’d done, maybe I would feel differently, but despite the days that have passed, I’m still living with the remnants of guilt over setting Bonnie on fire.
Thankfully, the weekend is here.
There haven't been any more interruptions in this madness that I call life, and I was able to actually embrace my academic ways. I don't know how true it is what Sax said about grounding—technically, Professor Viola said it—but my body hasn't overheated since.
I have, however, earned plenty of looks from people in class who definitely heard what I’d done, but thankfully nobody's dared to say a word. Setting Bonnie on fire created a levelof threat and warning to anybody and everybody, which has resulted in one certainty: don’t piss me off.
The reality is, even if anybody wanted me dead, they couldn't kill me. Well, they could, but I'd only come back to haunt them.
I wonder how it feels to be on the other side of that.
“It should have been,” Ember states, interrupting my thoughts. “It's nothing less than she deserves,” she declares, hovering right in front of my face as I sit perched on the side of my bed. “It's what all of them deserve. It's whattheydid toyou. They just can't be resurrected,” she adds, and I shrug as she dances around the room again with so much energy it’s as if someone just dropped a Mentos into a bottle of soda.
I take a moment to stand, stretching my limbs as I stroll to the window, appreciating a quiet moment to watch the world go by as the sun beams down, the trees flutter in the breeze, and calmness takes root inside me. I love this time of morning, when the sun bleeds through the window, touching my face.
I can't help but tilt my head back, breathing it in as I sigh, appreciating the fact that I can feel the rays without having to step outside and face the world.
“What's your plan today?” she asks, and I shrug.
“Toby's party tonight, apparently.”
I have the best friends in the world, who like any excuse for a party and willingly planned another since the first was canceled. With Meadow at my side the entire time while I was sleeping the days away, it makes sense, but I still feel bad about it.
I owe Toby a big apology for missing his birthday, but more so for the fact that his mate had done the same to be with me.
“And what are you going to do before that?” Ember presses, and my eyes instinctively travel to my fencing bag, answering for me as I worry my bottom lip, unsure of what to do.
As if sensing my concern, my device vibrates from my nightstand, where a notification dances across the screen.
An incoming message from Teddy.
I pause.
There have been no issues with any one of my hated mates this week. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop; someone's bound to irritate me or remind me of the pain they've caused, especially in moments like this, when I'm not distracted by learning and embracing where I am in my bid to find myself, as I promised with Greta.
I haven't managed to stop setting myself on fire yet, or anybody else, for that matter, another promise, but the fact that I'm trying should count.
Before I can think better of it, I press on the notification.
Teddy: Ivy.
Ivy: Teddy.
I respond as a flash of red darts in front of my face.
“You're smiling,” Ember declares, and I quickly school my features.
“I’m not,” I grumble as my device vibrates again, excitement and uncertainty swirling inside of me as Ember tries to lean over my shoulder and see what he has to say.
Teddy: Fencing?
I tilt my device away from her as I sigh, glancing out the window once more, unsure how I want to answer.
“I’m too nervous to let myself be around them,” I admit, my vulnerability rocking me to my core over something so simple and silly as Ember hums.
“Hopefully, there will be enough people around you for you to refrain from pouncing on him,” she teases with another giggle at my expense, and I roll my eyes.
“Behave,” I mutter, but she doesn't let it slide.
