That’s when I notice Claire standing a little bit past me on the boardwalk, looking at me like I’m the stupidest person on earth.
“Oh my god.Claire.”I touch my forehead, the embarrassment settling in.“I’m so sorry.I was lost in thought.”
“Lost in space like always,” she murmurs, crossing her arms.“I don’t know how you make it through the day sometimes.”
Here we go again.I heave with a sigh, unsure how to play this.“Honestly, me neither.”I remember what my mom told me that morning on the phone, and some of the acid anxiety returns to my gut.“What’s new?How are you?”
“Nothing much.Just getting my steps in on my lunch break.”She offers a tight smile, and I notice she’s in full lawyer mode.Nice, tucked blouse, black capri dress pants, designer flats.
“That’s nice.I can walk with you…” I offer, then suddenly doubt myself.“Unless you don’t want me to.”
“That’s okay.I have some time.”We start a slow walk in the direction I’d been heading.“I’m surprised to see you out and about.”
“Yeah, well…just trying to clear my head.”I swallow hard, urging myself to plunge right into the hurtful topic at hand.Just get that out of the way—one less thing to stress over.“Mom called this morning and told me about your bachelorette party.We both kind of wondered why I had no idea about it.”
Claire looks a little sheepish.“It’s aworkbachelorette party.That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
“I guess mom missed the memo then.She was sure I’d be invited.But it’s okay.”I wave it off, like trying to clear it from the air.
“You can come if you want…” Her voice is dripping with something that reminds me of how I’ve always felt at her side.Offering me scraps out of pity.When I don’t jump on her offer, she adds, “I think the boat only has six spots though.And there’s six of us already.I’ll let you know if a seat opens up.”
“Yeah.”The extra info has just made things worse, but I don’t know how to vocalize that.“That sounds fun for you guys.”
“We’ll see who pukes first.”
We share a small laugh and then walk in silence for a few beats.
“So when’s Jake coming up next?”Claire asks brightly.I can tell she’s aiming for chitchat, but that topic is anything but light.Of course she doesn’t know because I’ve avoided it.Something about the quiet, fresh lake air has me feeling clearer.It’s time to rip the Band-Aid off.
“Jake won’t be visiting me,” I manage to say, trying to keep my voice steady.“We, uh…broke up.”
Her eyes get big and round.“Seriously?Well, I guess I’m not super surprised…was it because you’re living with another man?”
I crumple inside but keep my voice steady as I say, “It happened before I came home.”
“Oh.”The word lands like a boulder in the lake.Claire slows to a stop, squinting over at me.“I’m sorry to hear that.”A pause, and then her eyes narrow further.“When were you going to tell me?”
“Well…I just told you now.”
“Yeah, because I ran into you on the boardwalk and happened to ask about Jake.”
I can feel her frustration growing like static electricity in the air.She’s not wrong.This is exactly what Spacey Casey would do.And nobody is as frustrated with me as I am.
“You’ve been telling me all along that he was coming to the wedding,” she goes on.“He’s not, right?”
I swallow a lump in my throat.“No.”
She throws her hands up in the air.“Well, that is very helpful information in planning a wedding.”
“Claire, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you.”I pause, thinking back on my words.I did, in fact, try to keep it from her.But it was out of self-preservation.“I just needed some time to figure out…what was happening.With him, with my life, with…everything.”
But she doesn’t care.She’s mad now, and I’m not sure how to put this cat back in the bag.
“But you’ve beenlyingto us,” Claire says, her nostrils flaring.
“I wasn’t lying.I was processing.I was going to tell you soon, once I figured out…” But my words wither in the face of her frustration.There’s no point adding more.
Claire huffs, shaking her head.“Listen, I have to get back to work.”She seems like she wants to add something, but instead she spins on her heel and storms in the other direction.I watch her go, caught between wanting to add more and knowing there’s nothing else I could ever say or do that would help.
