“Yeah.A therapist.We’re in the middle of the diagnosis process.I’m just seeing where it leads.”
Claire looks up at me then, and there’s a mix of regret and tenderness on her face.“I owe you an apology,” she says.“For being so critical.I know I still can be...but at this point, it feels more like habit than anything else.”She stabs her salad, frowning down at it before she adds, “I’ve just always interpreted your breeziness like you didn’t give a shit about anything.”
The silence that falls this time feels different.There’s an openness here, something new.Like we’ve opened a door that neither of us even knew was there.
“I’m sorry, Casey,” she says.“I really hope you can find the help you need with the therapist too.”
I offer a smile.Not because it’s all perfectly fine with one “I’m sorry,” but because we’re sitting here in front of each other even saying it to begin with.
She finally takes a bite of her oversized salad.I dig into my panini.Soon, our conversation picks up again, but it’s casual.Easy.A decided lack of friction.She tells me about how she and Paul have been undecided on a honeymoon destination and have threatened each other with getting a hotel room in Huron, the next town over, if they don’t come to a decision soon.I tell her about the TikTok account, which leads to her watching three videos from start to finish right there during lunch.
She looks impressed by the end of the third one.“These are really good.”
“It’s just me talking about books.”
“Casey, you have a hundred thousand views on this one.”Her eyes go big, and she shows me the video in question.I gasp, covering my mouth.
“Oh my god.It was at sixty last time I checked.”
Her mouth hangs open in disbelief as she scrolls through the comments.“Wow!Does this mean you’re famous now?My little sister is famous!”
I shush her.“I’m not famous.I’m just…on the internet sometimes.”
She laughs, putting her phone away.“This is going somewhere, Case.I can tell.You convinced me to read that book from one video.”
“Yeah.It’s going somewhere.I’m just not surewhere.” I crunch on some more chips as I scroll through my TikTok account.That’s when I notice the accumulation of private messages I’ve received.I glance quickly—there are authors there, other readers, even a small publisher.It’s too much to comprehend right now so I set it down.
“You’ll figure it out,” Claire says.“All I know is this seems so much more up your alley than whatever you were doing in Chicago.”
“Well, I’m still moving back there,” I begin, but my voice withers.The idea to stay in Bayshore has been cropping up more than I want to admit, but I’m not ready to float it with anyone yet.“I have a new job lined up.Because I thought that type of job was what you and Mom and Dad wanted for me.”
She shrugs, pushing her empty salad bowl aside.“I admired you for wanting to get out of our hometown.”
“Youadmiredme?”
She grins like she has a secret.“Is that so hard to believe?You weren’t afraid to throw yourself into a new place or a new life.That’s hard stuff.”
“But you told me I’d never make it in Chicago, that I should stay here.”It was one of the most hurtful things she’s said to me.
She frowns, her brows drawing together.I can tell I threw her for a loop with that comment.“I did?”
“Yes.”I can’t believe I’m being this honest with her.It’s the type of thing I’d normally avoid bringing up or admitting.But new therapist, new Casey.Or something.“It destroyed me when you said it.It was right after my college graduation.”
Her gaze drops to the table, clearly working through my words.Then she nods.“I do remember now.I’m sorry.It was a horrible thing to say.I think I was jealous.”
A disbelieving laugh escapes me.Now I’ve heard it all.“Youwere jealous ofme?”
“Like I said, you had the spine to do the scary unknown thing.I didn’t.Maybe we had just gotten into a fight and I was feeling spicy.I don’t remember, honestly.”
I let this settle into me.It’s a relief, honestly.Claire has been the biggest bitch to me sometimes, but I never considered there might be jealousy behind her words.Not from my perfect big sister.
“Well, this job in Chicago isn’t inspiring me,” I say with a sigh.“I want to cancel it altogether.”
“You should do whatever makes you the most moneyandyou like the most.But it needs to have both components.That’s my lawyer–big sister advice.”
I laugh.“All right.I’ll work on it.”
The waiter returns with our checks.Claire pays for both of us before I can protest, and soon we’re walking outside in the bright afternoon sun.
