It makes sense, in a way.If you overlook the fact that he’s been playing the role of my husband-to-be.I have so many thoughts swirling in my head I don’t know where to begin.I feel like I’m going crazy.
“You’re really going to let this end here?Like this?”
His gaze snaps up to mine, and it’s haunted.I can see the signs of not sleeping well last night.“It was always going to end here.”
“So you must do this with all your puck bunnies, huh?”My tone is acid now, but I can’t reel it in.“Play house for a while, lead them on, make them think they’ve got something special with you, and then leave them in the fucking dust.”
His chest is rising and falling more quickly now, and I can tell I struck a nerve.Like I wanted to.“Don’t even say that.”
“You seem to have this routine down.I’m crazy in love with you, and you have no problem walking away.”
Griffin scrubs at his face with his hands.At least he looks conflicted, which satisfies something deep inside me.
“This has nothing to do with how I feel about you.”His voice is eerily level.Like he’s been practicing this.Or maybe because he’s done it before and this is old hat for him.“It’s logistics.”
I throw my hands up in the air.“So there’s no version of us that you’re willing to fight for?Something that can continue?”
Griffin looks at me with so much heartbreak on his face that I can barely hold his gaze.
“Case.”His voice is low, gritty.“You told me what you want.And it’s not me.”
“But it is you,” I say, tears already pressing at the corners of my eyes.
“It’s not.You want someone there for every day.Someone who comes home to you.To share dinner with, do every day with.”He pauses, shaking his head.“I heard you say it.We’ve been living it all summer.But it ends here because I can’t be that.”
“I was wrong,” I say, my voice shaky.“I thought I wanted that.But I—”
“Stop it, Casey.Listen to yourself.I’m not saying this to hurt you.I’m saying this because you should get what you want.Not half-time.Shit, what I can give you isn’t even half-time.It’s worse.A third of the time.You want to live your life like that?I just signed for six more years.I can’t stand the thought of breaking your heart later once you realize what a bad deal you got six months or two years down the road.”
“You don’t get to decide what’s right for me,” I bite out.“I’m a grown woman asking you a direct question.I’m not asking you to weighmyoptions.I’m not even asking for a fucking commitment.Think of it like a book.We started writing an incredible chapter here.I just…want to know.Do you want to even try to keep this going and see where it leads?”
Griffin stares at me, pain slashed across his face.
He doesn’t say no.
But he doesn’t say yes either.
I wait until the silence is boring a hole in my head.I’m so heavy with emotion that I can barely stand up.
“Okay,” I finally say.“I’m not going to ask again.I got my answer.”
“Casey—”
I raise my palms and back away slowly.I’m gutted, I’m heartbroken, I’m on the verge of full-body sobbing.I need to get into my bedroom before I can unravel completely.
I just make it before the first sob escapes.
I press my back against the closed door and slide down it until I'm sitting on the floor, and I let it come.All of it.The whole summer's worth of wanting something I kept telling myself I didn’t deserve, crying it out into the quiet of the morning while Griffin keeps his distance and holds to his decision.
I don't know how long I sit there.Long enough that the light in the room shifts.Long enough that I hear the front door open and close, and then the sound of his truck pulling out of the driveway.
He’s gone.And I need to accept that summer is over.
This love affair has ended.
Griffin stayed true to his word.And I was the one with my head in the clouds.
Again.
