And I stood there in the dark, in the middle of the night…and I knew I’d made a massive mistake. Because he might have done casual, but I didn’t. And he was much older than me—I didn’t know how much, but I knew it was enough that he could probably be my father. And he was my student’s dad. And he was the sexiest man I’d ever laid eyes on, and all I wanted was to crawl back into his bed…and that made me pitiful.
I was screwed. Absolutely gone for him.
Another victim of the Nash Effect.
FOUR
nash
My daughter had hadnightmares as long as I’d known her.
Nell’s mom, Dana, had been a tourist—swung by the bar one night in 2019, bitter over having to be in the bridal party for the ‘best friend’ who’d ended up marrying Dana’s ex. She’d told me her sob story…I’d listened. She needed something to make her feel better…I’d helped.
But that night, the condom broke.
I had no idea.
When she showed up a year and a half later with a baby in her arms and desperation in her eyes, I knew that little girl was mine. A paternity test proved it. Cornelia—a ridiculous name for a kid, which is how she ended up being Nellie, or Nell, depending on who was talking—was too much for Dana. Dana wanted a life.
I didn’t have much of a life to speak of…so Nell became my whole world, and Dana got free.
And now, I’d broken a very important rule of parenthood—don’t fuck your kid’s teacher—and I felt like an asshole.
I stood in the doorway to Nell’s room, arms crossed, not wanting to wake her up. She’d had a rough night; she didn’t like sleepovers, but we kept trying because she loved her cousins. I’dshown up at my sister Claire’s place still smelling like Maggie’s perfume, Claire had clocked it immediately, shaken her head like she always did and said something about me being a mess…I’d taken Nell home and put her to bed.
She’d made me sleep in her room for hours.
I’d done it, because I didn’t say no to my little girl.
Me and her mom were both fuck-ups in our own special way. I had no idea how she’d turned out perfect.
I left her to sleep a little longer and got the coffee started in the small kitchen, then I set to work mixing up batter for waffles. She normally liked letting her nose wake her up; it was easier to stomach not being a morning person when there was a sweet treat waiting. So I cooked, and I wondered if she needed to take this Friday off, or if maybe I was justhopingshe did so I wouldn’t have to show my face at Juniper Hills Elementary…
But Nell woke up maybe ten minutes after I started the pancakes, appearing at her door holding a massive stegosaurus toy she’d named Gerald, wearing pink PJs, her hair a complete mess.
“Daddy?” she said, voice rough with sleep. “Don’t I need to go to school?”
I laughed under my breath. Always the good student…another way she was nothing like me.
“Yeah, bug. You got time—come eat first.”
She padded over and climbed up onto her stool at the wraparound kitchen counter, dragging Gerald onto the seat next to her. He was about as big as she was. She had some serious brute strength to lug him around everywhere.
“Is that waffles?” she said.
“Yup.”
She frowned. “Why am I getting a special breakfast?”
Jesus, she was whipsmart. Even at five, she was already way ahead of me.
“Because you were really brave last night giving sleepovers another go,” I said.
She brightened a little at that, sitting up straighter, making sure Gerald sat straighter too. I dished out a waffle and slid it across the counter to her, then I handed her the syrup—before pointing at Gerald.
“Remember Gerald doesn’t get waffles or syrup,” I said. “Otherwise he has to get washed again.”
“Yes, sir,” she said.
