I snapped my eyes open, intensely aware of the spot on my arm he was touching. I was overwhelmed by him, his face, his smell, his voice. I had to count to three and breathe before I could answer his question.
Do I want him to buy me a drink?
My usually honed instinct for depriving myself of anything I desired too much didn’t seem to want to kick in. So, I smiled at him and nodded. “Sure. I’ll have a Negroni.”
He grinned, looking impressed with my drink choice. “Nice. I approve. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I gave him the “no worries” hand signal and proceeded to talk myself down from whatever social anxiety rabbit hole I was about to go into.
It’s only a drink; it’s not a date. It isn’t anything.
As I watched him move up to the bar, I took a deep breath and forced myself to pay attention to my body for a second, grounded myself in the moment and listened to what was playing on the radio. It was something funky and soulful and I focused on the sound for a few seconds, breathing slowly.
I turned my head to see where Carmen had gone and noticed she was still chatting with Ted and Nesto’s cousin. I knew she was keeping them entertained so Nesto and I could talk. I should have been annoyed at her blatant disregard for my request she not meddle in my love life, but the feeling never came.
And what was the big deal anyway?
I let men buy me drinks all the time. I let them kiss me. Occasionally even more than that, why was I making such a big deal out this?
Because I wanted it too much.
This man could trip up my world.
I observed Nesto chatting with the bartender as he waited for my drink, and marveled at how relaxed he looked, how comfortable in his skin he was. His face open and his eyes clear. I wondered what it took to make someone move through the world with that ease.
We were so different. It had taken me months to be brave enough to go out for a drink with people from the office. He’d just been here a day, and he was taking up space like he owned the place. And yet, his mere proximity made me feel more alive and present in my body than I had in years. After a minute he strutted back from the bar with a triumphant smile, handed me my drink and tipped his glass to mine in a toast.
“To small towns and random encounters.”
I tipped my glass to his. “Cheers.”
After I’d had a sip of my cocktail, I looked up at him. “Thank you.”
He waved his hand like it wasn’t a big deal and smiled. “No problem, I can sympathize with jobs that go way past five p.m. Were you able to get all your work done, or will there be more late nights in the library?”
Okay, so he was going with work talk.ThatI could handle.
“Unfortunately, it looks like I will have quite a few more nights like this, at least for the near future. I’m working on a project I want the board to approve, which at the moment is not looking likely.” I grimaced, thinking about Misty and how happy she’d be to see me fail. “If I get my wish and can move forward with it, there will be a lot of work getting it off the ground. The project is sort of my baby, so I will have to do a lot of it myself.”
Nesto nodded, looking interested. “What’s the project? Or is it like a secret campaign which can’t be discussed until it’s launched?”
“Not a secret at all. Actually, the more buzz the better,” I said, taking another drink. “It’s a mobile library for youth. A book truck, if you will.”
He laughed. “I like the idea already!”
I tried not to get too distracted by the perfect teeth he kept flashing at me and powered on with what I was saying. Keeping my face neutral so I didn’t come off as a total dork. Talking about this always got me excited. Being a part of getting the project going was one of the most exciting parts of the job when I started at the library three years ago. Finally I had an opportunity to get the board to give the go-ahead. Unless Misty messed it for up for me, of course.
Before I started, I glanced up and Nesto’s encouraging smile got me talking. “The idea is to get books and other services from the library to children and teens who are out in the more rural parts of the county. Our library is amazing, and there are very nice smaller ones in most of the towns, but we still have gaps inwhat kids can get out there. There’s also the issue of the libraries being run by peoplefromthe towns.”
He nodded like he got where I was going.
“Checking out a book about something taboo or potentially embarrassing in a library where the entire staff know your parents can be a big barrier for kids in vulnerable situations. We just have a lot more to offer here in the big library. My hope is to make what we have in town available to all the young people in the county.”
When I stopped talking I realized in addition to Nesto’s, I had gained the attention of Carmen, Ted and Priscilla.
Carmen was giving me her “Proud Mom” face and Nesto had a weird smile on his, like what I said happily surprised him. The others looked interested in the topic, too. Of course, now I was feeling self-conscious and wanted people’s attention to be focused elsewhere.
I cleared my throat and wrapped it up. “That’s the gist of it.”
