“Oh, I know exactly where that is.” I bent my head and whispered, “Hey, neighbor.”
He bumped my hip and said, “Welcome to the neighborhood, Nesto.”
We’d reached the spot where I parked, so I stopped and pointed to my Prius. “This is me.”
Jude made a move to go around to the passenger side when I pulled him to where I was standing. I was leaning on the car door facing the dark sidewalk, and he stepped up to me, pressing his body to mine. He looked up, and I bent my head so our lips were almost touching. My heart was beating so hard, my head wasthrobbing. It was like for the last hour all my body wanted was to get as close to Jude as possible.
“Jude, dame un beso.”The words came out like they were from somewhere deep inside of me. He closed his eyes and pushed up so his lips where just centimeters from mine, and I bent my head to meet them. Just as our lips grazed, a car drove by breaking the spell. He gasped and turned his face, hiding his eyes from me. I pulled his chin, and the look on his face was so fragile, like he was scared of what he’d almost done.
“Are you okay?”
He groaned and shook his head. His eyes tightly shut. “This was not part of the plan.” But even as he said it, I felt him press closer to me. It was like his body and his mind were waging a war on what to do about me. He wasn’t the only one in that dilemma.
“What wasn’t supposed to happen? Kissing me? We don’t have to.” I tried to lift his chin again, but instead he pushed his face into my chest.
After a moment he spoke, his words muffled, “I’m a mess.”
I took a chance and tightened my arms around him, unable to hold myself at a distance. “You’re not. You’re great and running into you was the best part of my day.” He raised his face to look at me. His eyes were brighter, and a tiny smile was lifting up the sides of his mouth. I could feel his pulse racing as fast as mine.
This moment felt entirely too intense.
I spoke into the silent night, hoping to lighten the moment. “Besides I’m glad at least one of us has some sense. My mom lives like two blocks away. She would not be amused to find me necking in the street.”
He gave me a full smile then, and it was like the fucking sun. His voice sounded more like himself when he spoke. “I wouldn’t think so.”
I pressed our foreheads together for just a second then pushed off from the car and clicked the key fob to open the passenger side door for him. “Let’s get you home.”
I was getting uncomfortable with the long silence as I drove down the dark two-lane road leading to Trumansburg. Second-guessing everything I’d done in the past twenty minutes and wondering if I’d pushed Jude too far. When it was obvious he wasn’t going to initiate a conversation, I blurted out, “For the record, I don’t usually move this fast.”
Jude responded in an amused tone. “For the record, I don’t either…mostly.”
I laughed. “Okay, fair enough, I don’tusuallymove this fast.”
Even though I was sure we were both suffering from a bad case of blue balls and feeling a little awkward about the turn the night had taken, the mood did lighten after that.
“So was your first official day as a small business owner in Ithaca everything you hoped for?” Jude’s tone was neutral, but I could detect a hint of humor.
He was such a contradiction, at times so reserved, like he wanted to blend into the scenery, but he was funny. He had a fire in him, too; I’d seen it when he talked about his book truck.
I cleared my throat, trying to decide if I should match his tone, but instead I surprised myself by saying something I hadn’t shared with anyone. “It was a good day, but I’m still stressed about whether I did the right thing by coming here. In the city the competition is hard, but at least there I knew what I was up against.” I glanced over at Jude, and he was looking at me with concern, and I felt like a jackass.
Way to kill the fucking mood, Ernesto, because unloading on a guy you barely know would totally make him want to see you again.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to spill my feelings all over you.” I sighed again. “I guess I’m just tired.”
His eyes widened like he didn’t expect me to apologize. “No that’s fine, and I get it. It’s such a big change, and I can imagine it was a major decision. What made you finally want to do it?”
I glanced over at him, a little surprised at how interested he sounded. “Are you sure you want to hear about all this?”
He gave a sharp nod. “Yes.”
Jude’s interest in my business, my story, did something to me. “Well, I’d fantasized about the idea of owning my own business, making food I love, for years. But that was as far as it went. It took my mom finally reminding me of who I was.”
At the mention of my mom, Jude’s face lit up. He was so into me talking about my family. I couldn’t remember anyone being this curious about my roots. Most guys I dated would tune out as soon as I started talking about this stuff.
“One night, after I’d sat on her couch and talked for hours about how my job was killing my soul and whined about wishing I was making food for a living instead, she looked me in the eyes, and gave me her ‘se acabo’ face.” He laughed at that and I winked at him, feeling warm all over. “She told me, ‘Nesto you were the boy who held my hand and told me not to worry when we sat on that plane to come here, and I sobbed for the whole flight. The little kid who walked into the classroom on the first day without knowing a word of English, and told me, ‘You can go, Mamí, I can handle it from here.’ Baby, we’re immigrants, we don’t just take chances, we know what it’s like to leave everything behind and start over. If this is your dream, then go make it happen.’”
I heard Jude give a deep sigh like he understood exactly how important what Mamí had said to me had been.
