I shook my head. “I don’t think it was that. I mean he seemed genuinely upset for me, but he looked so sad, and he was distracted. He messed up orders and then left early. Every time I talked to him he looked like he was going to be sick but didn’t say anything.” God, I was such an ass. The didn’t even have to be there and all I did was sulk. If he never talked to me again it would be my own damn fault. “Maybe after I left this morning he started having second thoughts about last night, and that’s what he was trying to tell me when I cut him off like a fucking douchebag.” I threw my hands up, feeling at a complete loss.
“It was the first time I’d slept over, and…” I exhaled. “It got intense between us, physically I mean,” I said, cringing and avoiding eye contact with my mother at all costs. “I don’t know. Maybe this is for the best.”
Milo’s stank face made an appearance after that comment, Patrice shook his head like I was an idiot, and Juanpa just rolled his eyes. Meanwhile my mom looked like she was about to get on her pulpit.
Great.
“Ernesto Amado Vasquez Maldonado,” she said in the voice she used when she was about to let me know all the ways in which I was a trifling loser.
From the couch I heard Milo whisper, “Oh shit, she used all four names. If she starts talking in syllables, we’re out of here.”
Juanpa had his eyes trained on the flip-flops on her feet, then muttered. “If she goes for her chancleta,you better duck, bruh.”
Fuckers had to make me laugh when there was nothing funny about this.
My mom ignored our chatter and looked at me with concern on her face. “Something happened with Jude, m’ijo, and I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. If he wanted some space from you, do you think he would have made the effort to drive out to the festival to help or stayed most of the day when clearly neither of you was at your best?”
She had a point. If the issue had been something to do with us, he could’ve just blown off helping at the festival.
I looked over at Milo who was shaking his head. “Something was definitely up with Jude today, and youdefinitelyneed to grovel for acting like a jerk.” I hung my head because he was absolutely right. “You’re feeling this guy hard, Nesto, more than I’ve ever seen before, and he’sintoyou. I actually think the guy’s cool, and you know I hate everybody.”
This was true.
“Go see what’s wrong, you can make this right, m’ijo. As for the truck, you will make your business succeed.” The way she narrowed her eyes told me the pep talk was over. “But first go fix things with Jude, you need to learn to make your heart a priority, son. I didn’t raise you to be this clueless.”
Juanpa, who usually left the love advice to the other two, stood up and clapped me on the back. “Mi hermano, we’re gonna make a move, because we got an early day. I’m not going to pile on because it’s all been said already, but I’ll tell you this. Deadass man, I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at that guy. Don’t be a fool, Nes.”
Damn, that was the most advice Juanpa had given me about anything, ever.
“I’m driving over there. I hope he’ll let me in, because I’m not sure I would letmyselfin,” I said, closing my eyes.
“Of course he’ll let you in,” my mom said, sounding exasperated. “Go, m’ijo. He needs you.”
I said my goodbye to the guys and quickly walked to my car. I needed to step up and find out what was happening with Jude, and how I could supporthimfor once.
Jude
“Nesto’s here. He’s parking his car,” Carmen called, startling me. I’d been sitting at home for the last two hours agonizing about my sister and wondering if my meltdown today had messed things up between Nesto and me.
“I hope that asshole came here ready to grovel. You did not deserve the way he talked to you today.”
I sighed. I knew venting to Carmen about that was going to put Nesto on her shit list.
“Carmen, please. Don’t say anything to him. He took the thing with Sheridan hard, and I didn’t help by being late and messing up orders all day.”
I was grateful Jesse let me know about Mary, but I was also resentful it was all happening now. The sad news and sudden influx of contact with my family had my emotions all over the place today, adding all that to the fight with Nesto, I was a wreck. Which only made me feel guiltier because my sister was dying, and here I was fretting because it was messing with my love life.
“Stop that, Jude. You’ve had an awful day and he made it worse, instead of realizing there was something wrong.” She threw her hands up as she moved around getting her things. “Don’t get me wrong. I like him, but he fucked up, and he needs to apologize for that.”
I knew she was right, but whenever something went awry, I tended to place the blame squarely on myself.
Carmen moved toward the door when we heard the doorbell, but I stood up before she could get there. “I’ll get it. I need to tellNesto what’s been going on, at least he’ll know I haven’t lost my mind.”
I opened the door and saw this day had taken its toll on Nesto, too. His usually calm and confident face looked drawn.
“Hi,” I said as he stood there looking unsure.
He was quiet for a second and then moved to kiss my cheek, but pulled back before he reached me, which only ramped up my anxiety. “Hey, is it okay that I came over?”
