“Oh baby.” Fuck.
“It’s okay.”
It really wasn’t fucking okay, but I just let him keep talking.
“You can imagine what my family said was the reason.” He shrugged again looking down at the seat. “Not that I begrudge them. It was my fault.”
“Jude, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Rationally, I know he already had problems with his heart, and it was only a matter of time, but I can’t deny reality. I came out and just weeks later he had a heart attack. The last time I saw him, he looked at me like I was the biggest disappointment of his life.”
He laughed then and it sounded so hollow. “The thing is, I worked through all of this. I really have learned to accept that none of it was really about me. My family failed me, because they refused to put aside their prejudices and love me the way I am. But seeing Mary brought a lot of those feelings back, that’s all. I’m still glad I came; it would’ve been a lot harder to hear about it after it was too late. I want to come back and see her again.”
After a second he put his hand behind my head and leaned in for a kiss. I touched my lips to his and his mouth tasted salty from his tears. “Thank you for letting me be here for you.”
He just nodded and sat back, looking out the window, his fingers still around mine.
Jude fell asleep almost immediately after we started driving, probably exhausted from the visit and not getting enough sleep the night before. As we drove, I thought of what he’d done today. How he’d walked into the room of someone who had turned her back on him, scorned him, and done it because she’d asked him to, because she needed him.
There was such strength in that, in his forgiveness and grace. I thought of what it would be like to lose everyone I loved overnight.
Would I be able put aside my pride and be there for those who’d hurt me in their time of need? I wasn’t sure I could.
I tended to walk away from people who disappointed or hurt me. But as I looked at Jude’s sleeping figure, I felt humbled by the kind of man he was and that’s when I knew. I was so full of love for this man.
I loved Jude.
I had never been more certain of anything in my life.
chapter twenty-three
jude
“Carmen told me you’re not a fan of surprises, but I did something. So, don’t be mad.”
I smirked as I put my seat belt on. We were sitting in the car at the parking lot of the hospital in Syracuse. I’d just finished visiting my sister for the third time in three weeks. Today Jesse brought Faith and Micah over so I could see them while I was there. They were huge and surprisingly remembered all about me. Faith was just like Mary, serious and bossy, and Micah was as easygoing and gentle as his dad.
The visit had its hard parts, too. Mary got weaker by the day. Every week she looked more fragile, but we’d stayed off difficult topics since the first visit and just tried to enjoy the time we had. Today I’d brought a book of poems by Pádraig Ó Tuama, an Irish priest I discovered recently, and read to her from it. Overall things had gone well, and I was in good spirits.
I heard Nesto clear his throat and looked over at him and laughed. He was always so confident, but right now he was looking adorably unsure. I thought he was actually going to blush. I pulled him over to me and gave him a hard kiss, with lots of tongue.
“You must be joking. Why would I be mad if you did something nice for me? For the record,” I said, holding my finger up, “I love surprises. What I don’t like is Carmen buying methings I’ve told her I don’t need and then trying to force me into keeping them!”
He rolled his eyes. “You two are like an old married couple.” He slipped his hand under my shirt and ran it over my chest. “I’d be jealous if I didn’t know where you’ve been spending most nights.”
I quivered thinking about the last couple of weeks. Even as stressed out as he had been with the truck, Nesto had barely slept at his place. We’d both been so busy, but almost every night we’d gone to bed together.
“So, what did you do?”
He smiled, his confidence back in place. “I booked us a romantic getaway.”
“Whaaat?” I asked in disbelief. “For when? You have a million things going on with the truck, and the mobile library launch is only weeks away. We literally have no time.”
His sexy grin—my favorite—was on full display, and he looked a little too pleased with himself.
“Now, tonight. I got a room at the Aurora Inn. I’ve thought about doing it since the festival. We both need to get away for a bit. Things are about to get busier now that I’m going to start doing dinner at Ergos again.”
I shook my head and smiled at how casually he said that. Ergos had called a couple of weeks ago, begging him to come back. They told him they were sorry they’d ever invited Misty’s son’s truck and desperately wanted him back.
