He picked up after the first ring, sounding tired but alert.
“Jude.”
“Hi.”
He let out a long breath, “I’m so sorry, babe. So fucking sorry. It won’t happen again. I know I broke my promise to be at every visit, but I swear, next week I’ll be there one-hundred-percent on time.”
I closed my eyes at the anguish in his voice, hardening myself to it. “You don’t need to worry about that. I’m not going back formore visits.” I tried to keep my tone light, but it sounded fraught to my own ears.
Nesto’s silence was heavy, like he was trying to figure out what I wasn’t saying.
“Did something happen with Mary?” he asked, his voice hesitant.
I wanted to say nothing, keep him in the dark. To go and hide with my hurt and my shame, but the worry in his voice made me say it.
“She asked our old pastor to come and talk to me about my soul. Ummm…she’s worried about my salvation, and since she doesn’t have a lot of time left, she asked him to help her. Amos was there, too. He let me know no matter what I said to Mary, I’d never be welcome into the family again.”
“Oh, babe. No.”
“It’s fine. I told Mary I couldn’t do what she was asking, so she requested I not come visit again. She and Pastor Jones are worried for her soul if she continues to see me.” I had to stop and clear my throat because it was closing up. “You know, because she loves me so much and she’ll be tempted to forgive me.”
Nesto muttered a curse under his breath, as I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Jude, what they did is not okay. I get that your sister has her beliefs, but this is not about you, baby. It’s not. You’re perfect just the way you are. You hear me,mi amor?”
I almost broke down when I heard the endearment but steeled myself to get on with why I called before it got harder.
“I’ll be all right. Don’t worry about me.” I paused for a moment to take a breath but quickly pushed on. “So, just to let you know, things are going to be pretty intense with the mobile library launch in a week. You know how it is. You have the party at Mr. Sheridan’s, too, so you’ll have lots going on. Oh, and congratulations on the space, Ari said you were there yesterday.”I knew I was in a hysterical ramble, but if I stopped I’d start sobbing.
“Wait, what are you saying?”
“I just need some space. I know you have a lot of important things happening, so I think it’s best to part ways now.”
“No baby, please don’t do this.” Nesto’s voice sounded panicked and like he was about to cry. I shut my eyes, trying not to let it get to me. “I’m sorry I let you down, Jude. I can fix this. I won’t ever take you for granted again.” That last part came out in a shudder, and it took everything in me not to give in.
“Every time it’s come down to your business or me, you’ve picked your business and I get that. It’s what you’re here to do,” I said with finality. “I just wanted you so much, I let things slide so I could have you a little bit longer, you know? But I’m too tired now.”
“Jude, please.”
My throat made a clicking sound as I worked to keep myself under control. “I understand I can’t be a priority for you. I don’t want to stretch this out anymore, when I know what’s going to happen. How things will end for me. Goodbye, Nesto. Take care, okay?”
I ended the call and turned the phone off before putting it in my pocket.
As I walked back to my office I let the feeling of utter devastation settle into my bones. The sharp pain almost suffocating me. I would try hard to never forget how much this hurt the next time I was tempted to open myself up to love.
chapter twenty-eight
nesto
It’d been over a week since Jude ended things with me, and I was a fucking wreck. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and worse, I still had no idea how to fix it. It was like he built a wall around himself.
He wouldn’t see me or talk to me. I’d gone to his place the night after he called me and he told me to go home. The scariest thing was how calm he’d looked, like he felt nothing. His smile was so brittle I thought he would crumble right in front of me. I tried to ask Carmen what to do, but she told me she couldn’t get involved. That Jude asked her to stay out of it. I was at a loss.
Meanwhile, things were moving fast with the restaurant. Tonight I was going to co-host and cater a dinner at Harold’s house. He’d invited a bunch of high-profile people from town to formally announce the project. OuNYe would be a completely new kind of dining experience in town, and we wanted everyone talking about it. We’d also been discussing plans for the future. Harold was convinced we had the food and the concept to eventually branch out to other college towns in the region. We just needed to get the right people interested. It seemed like a bit of a stretch to me, but it was hard not to get caught up in his enthusiasm. So tonight, there would be people there who could potentially back an expansion plan.
It was a big deal, and I should’ve been ecstatic. My hustle was finally bearing fruit in huge ways. Instead, I was ditching work for the second time this week, to sit on my couch and look at photos of Jude and listen to despecho songs all day. It was already noon and I had to get my shit together soon, since I needed to be at Harold’s in two hours.
But I had zero fucks to give.
