He stopped talking and pulled me up to press his face to my neck. I let him. The pain and remorse I felt coming off him made me feel protective. “Tom, it can’t all be on you.” He shook his head and his hand moved up to pull me in for a kiss. He tasted me, as if he needed comfort before he went on.
When he pulled back, he continued in a sober, regretful tone. “I was so focused on Nuntius and how fast it was growing, I didn’t take care of our relationship. In hindsight we shouldn’t have gotten married. Too many things weren’t right. But I also got Libertad out of it, and I could never ever regret having her.”
His voice was so full of love when he talked about his daughter. “I love her name. Bold to name a little kidFreedomin Spanish.”
He nodded and when I looked up to see his face, it was serious and sad.
“It was my grandmother’s name. My mom’s mom. She died just a few months before Libe was born. It’s one of the greatest pains of my life she never got to meet her.” He smiled then, buthis eyes were glassy. “My grandmother helped raise me. When she died, I hadn’t seen her in almost a year. I’d been too busy to go home for a visit.ThatI will always regret.”
“I’m so sorry, Tom.” I could still hear the guilt in his voice.
He was quiet for a moment, but when he spoke again, he sounded better. “It’s kind of a thing in my mom’s family. Names with meaning. My mother’s name is Esperanza. My momhope, Libe and abuelafreedom, and my aunt Patriahomeland.” His voice was sad, but there was steel in it.
“And they named you Tom?!” I blurted out without thinking. He barked out a laugh and kissed my forehead. The smile that I realized only appeared when I did something over the top—which he thought was adorable —was out in full force.
“Tom was my dad’s best friend andmyfullname is ThomasCaonaboHughesGomez. My mother named me after a Carib chief because she’s badass like that.”
I had to give him a kiss for that.
Every time I thought I had him figured out, he did or said something to make me think I wasn’t even close.
“That’s alotbetter than regular Tom.”
He chuckled quietly and then said, “Would you be open to getting to know Libertad?”
I stiffened at his request. Not because I didn’t want to, I was just surprised by the question.
Probably sensing my discomfort, he quickly added, “Not right now, just sometime in the future. I’d really like to keep seeing you and if things go well, it just makes sense.”
There was so much I needed to unpack about his situation. Taking things with Tom to the level of meeting his kid felt like a deep dive.
It sounded scary, but in Tom’s arms after hearing more of his story, of seeing the lengths that he went to tonight to show me what was happening between us mattered, I had to step up, too.
I could be messy, but I was not a coward.
If Tom Hughes was hell-bent on sweeping me off my feet, I was going to be fucking in it with him.
When I answered I looked him right in the eyes. “Sure, I’d love to meet her sometime.”
“Whenever you’re ready. I don’t want to rush you.”
I pushed up to give him a kiss, “She seemed pretty awesome just from the minute I spent with her, and I love hanging out with kids.”
And I really did.
I loved kids, Iwantedkids. I wanted my own little family. That was the dream I’d never dared to dream. Of course, perfect Tom would stroll up to my life with an adorable kid as part of the deal.
“Tom, I like you. I mean Ireallylike you a lot, and with me that sometimes means going overboard and twisting myself into knots for the person I’m with.” I sat up, needing a little distance. This needed to be said. “Almost every time it ends with me getting my heart stomped on. I’m not saying you’d do that. I just need to protect myself. Your life seems to have a lot of working parts, and I may be up for that. But I need to make sure I do it without losing myself in the process. It’s happened before and gone badly for me.”
Tom’s silence freaked me out a little, because I wasn’t trying to make a judgement on his life. “I’m not being judgy or anything.”
After a moment he nodded and his voice was serious but understanding. “I know, I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me, and please do so anytime I overstep.”
“You didn’t overstep and thank you for understanding. I’d love to meet Libe when we’re both ready for it.”
He nodded and kissed me again.
I wanted to be done talking and focus on the fact I had Tom in my bed in just his underwear and running his hands under my clothes. I sat up and pulled my sweatshirt off as he ran his hands over my chest, then I moved so I was straddling him again. I stroked his arms and neck. Loving how his big body filled my bed.
