It was unchartered territory to be the “emotional support.” I was usually the one expected to take care of things, but Camilo not only didn’t expect me to take care of him, he was decidedly not interested.
“It’s hard to sit here knowing how much you’re about to take on and not be able to make it easier for you,” I said as I tightened my arms around him.
He clicked his tongue and kissed my cheek. “You being here makes it better. I don’t need you to fix anything for me, Tom. You loving me is more than enough.”
The urge to try and convince him that there was nothing I wanted more than to help was hard to restrain, but I managed. I hoped that if things got hard enough, Camilo would let me help, because I didn’t know if I could just sit idly by watching him struggle.
chapter twenty-five
One month later
camilo
“I can only have one drink before I take off,” I regretfully told Ayako as we walked out of our dance class into the icy Midtown Manhattan sidewalk. As per usual these days, I was rushing from one thing to the next. I was supposed to go over to Tom’s place for the night after my class, but I hadn’t been able to catch up with Ayako in a while. It was already February and the first few weeks of the year seemed to have flown by.
Ayako just waved a hand in my direction as we hurried to the warmth of the bar up the street. “Don’t worry. I’m glad you can stay for one, you’re always running lately.”
I gave her another guilty look. “I know. I can’t believe it’s already February and it’s the first dance class we’ve been able to do together since before Christmas.”
She frowned as she pushed the door for the bar. “Well you’ve been a busy bee, friend. Between kicking ass with the renovation and taking all that extra work to help your mom with the bills, you’ve been grinding pretty fucking hard.”
“And trying to spend time with Tom,” I offered as we hopped onto our stools.
She grinned at my mention of Tom. “Yeah but that one comes withlotsof perks.”
I chuckled at her suggestive tone. “True that. I’m tired as fuck though.” Exhausted was a better word, but I would not complain. Not about this.“My mom has been doing so much better since she started her leave. She loves the support group she joined, and she’s going to Zumba classes.” It was hard not to smile when I thought how much better my mom looked; it made the lack of sleep and perpetual exhaustion worth it.
Ayako looked genuinely pleased to hear about my mom which was why I loved her. “I’m so glad to hear that, babe.”
I sighed, thinking that I wished my mom could take even more time off.
“I think the stress from the hospital was making it worse for her depression and anxiety. I’m worried about her going back to work, but I can’t keep supporting her and me. I’m barely keeping up and it’s only been a few weeks.”
Ayako held up her finger when her phone started buzzing. “Shit, give me a sec. On-call week is so fun.” I nodded, feeling her pain, and went back to fretting about all the things I needed to do, which was my permanent state these days.
I’d started taking freelance translation work right after Christmas, which helped with my mom, but it was like another thirty hours of work a week, on top of my job. I felt drained and barely had time for anything else. I tried to see Tom as much as I could, but I’d cancelled on him a few times or had to bring work with me to his house.
I knew he was frustrated, because he had more than enough money to make this whole thing go away for me, and I refused to let him help me, even just a little bit. Rationally, I knew I was letting things that happened long ago affect my present. But I couldn’t get past the memories of how awful things got with my mom and Ramon once he started helping her with money. The way he felt entitled to tell her what to do, or put her down, wassomething I never wanted to experience. Even though I was sure Tom wouldn’t do that, I still wasn’t ready to ask.
Ayako ended the call she’d been on and looked at me. “Why so serious, friend? You still thinking about your mom?”
I stopped talking to order our drinks and then turned to fill her in. “I’m just fucking exhausted, and I’ve barely made a dent with my mom’s back rent. I miss having more time to hang out with Tom and Libe.”
She narrowed her eyes at me at the mention of my boyfriend and his daughter, and I knew she would get on my case about not letting Tom help.
“I know what you’re going to say, and I’m just not ready to ask Tom for money, Ayako.” She opened her mouth, but I held up my hand. “We’ve only been dating for a bit over four months and miraculously, the fact that he’s giving our agency literally millions of dollars has not become an issue. I won’t add another thing that could potentially mess up our relationship to the mix.” She nodded as she sipped her wine, but I could tell she was barely able to contain whatever she wanted to say.
When she finally spoke, it was pretty obvious from the way she wasliterallybiting her tongue that she was trying hard to see things from my perspective, but not totally getting there. “Okay that makes sense, especially because I know how stressed you’ve been, making sure the renovation goes without a hitch. Just don’t torture yourself too much, when you know you have a man that loves you with money to burn. Who is, not only able to, but is actually desperate to help you.”
I nodded, conceding her point. “As I told Tom, I’m aware the offer is there and I will ask if I feel like I need to.”
“Are you doing that ‘oasis’ shit again?”
I once again regretted telling Ayako about my disaster years in college. But this was definitely not what was happening with Tom.
I scoffed at her raised eyebrow.
“I won’t ever tell you another one of my deep dark secrets Ayako Russell. Also how does that even make sense? I’m being the opposite of the oasis, since I won’t take his money and he’s dying to be my sugar daddy. Which, oh my God. Saying that just made my skin crawl.” I legit shuddered.
