“Milito, did Cindy call you?” Excellent, now my mom was all up-to-date.
“Sí.” That word came out so laden with frustration, I was surprised I could choke it out. My mom was silent for a few beats as if she was trying to figure out what was going on with me. Finally she spoke into the phone.
“Papí, please don’t be angry at Tom. I know how much you value your independence, but he was just trying to help. You’ve been going nonstop for weeks and he could do this for you,” she said in a pleading voice. “You need to let people help you, son. It’s not always on you to fix everything.”
I sighed and avoided looking at Tom. If anything, my mother feeling she needed to intercede for his overbearing behavior only made me angrier.
“Okay, Ma. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Are you at Tom’s?”
“Mama,porfavor.” I was hanging on to my patience by the thinnest of threads.
She finally ended the call with a worried, “Okay, Milito.”
Before I talked to Tom again, I took a moment to breathe and was still trying to get it together when he started talking.
“Camilo, I?—”
So much for calming myself.
I held up my hand at him, shaking my head hard. “No. I donotwant to hear it, Tom.”
I took off my backpack then, because I needed to move. “I don’t know how, after all the conversations we’ve had, after the night of the concert, you would think I’d be fine with you doing this. I don’t need reasons from you, Iknowthe reason. You did it because you knew once it was done, I wouldn’t be able to give it back.”
His face turned paler with every word out of my mouth.
“No, Camilo. I did it because I wanted to help. Mi amor, I’m worried about you. You’ve been running yourself ragged. I’ve barely seen you in the last few weeks and when you’re here, you’re just so tired.” His shoulders sagged as he looked at me with a helpless expression on his face. “And it’s just money, baby. That I have. I could make this easier for you.”
“Oh no. Do not make this about me, Tom. This is aboutyounot getting attention.” I scoffed and threw my hands up as I glared at him. “I get it now.” I snarled at him. “That’s how you managed this perfect act so long. It’s easy to be Mr. Compromise as long as you keep getting what you want.”
“That’s not fair, Camilo.” His face was closed off now, which registered somewhere in my mind as a warning to chill out. But I couldn’t stop.
“You decided you wanted to see me and made those bullshit weekly meetings happen. When you were ready to take the whole thing to the bedroom, I went along with that, too. The moment you were ready for me to meet Libe, there I was.” I cocked my head at his confused expression. “So now you’re not getting your QT and you do what? You throw money at it.” I shook my head in disgust. “Compromise is not always getting your way, Tom, that’s calledmanipulation.”
“No. We were in this together. Things went further with us because we both wanted it. Because we make each other happy. Because we love each other.”
I knew I was being unfair and hurtful but I didn’t care. He’d taken away my agency, and I didn’t know if I could walk this off.
Tom tried again, this time his voice pleading. “I just wanted to ease things for you. Try to take off some of the burden you’re carrying all on your own.”
I couldn’tbelieveTom and his bullshit.
“What do you think I’m doing here, Tom?” I asked waving my hand around the room. “Why do you think I came to spend the weekend with you? Because Iamstressed, Iamtired, and when I feel like this, relaxing and watching a movie with my boyfriend helps. I’m not here so you can be my fucking sugar daddy and pay my rent like your kept boy.” I was crying now and I didn’t care.
“Camilo, don’t make it about that.”
I shook my head in disbelief.
“Making it about what, Tom?Money? You’re the one that made this about money. I’ve never indicated to you inanyway it was appropriate for you to pay foranythingon my behalf. I’m not Maxwell, who you can just ignore and then try to appease by getting him shit or letting him do whatever he wants with your money.”
Tom looked desperate and scared, but I could not find it in me to relent. If I folded on this now, I would spend my life giving in to him.
“Please tell me how I can make this right, Camilo. I truly thought this would make things easier for you. I just. I don’t know.” He put both his hands in his hair, pulling hard. “Fuck. Why does everything have to be black and white with you, mi amor? Why can’t you ever give an inch?”
Before I knew it, I’d rushed up to him, almost crashing into his body, until we were standing an inch apart. We were so close I had to look up to see his face, and I let him see mine. I let him take a close look at the hurt and humiliation I was feeling.
“I don’t give an inch, Tom? Is that what you just said to me? I risked my job, the renovation project to be with you. I’m not sure if you’ve already forgotten this given your financial situation, but some of us can’t pay for rent and food if we lose our jobs.” I slapped the palm of my hand against my chest as I spoke. Tom just stood there silent. “I could have lost my employment, messed up my standing with my boss and the agency, which would have been fucking devastating. And I did it anyway, because I wanted to be with you. Because I fellin lovewith you. Because I thought I’d finally found someone who couldseeme.” I was sobbing now, so hard I had to gulp down air to get words out. “Someone who understood me and could be kind to those parts of me other people find so hard to deal with.”
