Lina immediately moved next to me when I swayed, bracing an arm carefully around my waist while I got my bearings. Dorin’s drugs and the sheer amount of damage done to my body made walking feel fucking ridiculous. I shuffled down the hallway like some ninety-year-old limping through the halls of aretirement home. Still managed to slap her ass when she stepped slightly ahead of me, though.
“Fuck, Cezar…” She shot me a heated look over her shoulder.
I grinned despite the pain. I lusted after everything that made her Lina. Most of my body might’ve been fucked, but my left arm still worked decently enough. We made our way toward the kitchen, where Codrin sat at the table with an exhausted, worried expression on his face. He must’ve stayed the night. Great. No way to hide this shit now. He shot up from his chair the second he saw me.
“You need anything?” he asked anxiously.
“Nope. Lina already gave me a little rubdown. Not the kind I wanted, unfortunately.” I smirked at her before adding, “And Dorin loaded me up with enough drugs to kill a horse.”
Lina shook her head lightly.
Codrin attempted a smile. “Right back to your usual self, I see.” There was sadness in it, though. I couldn’t blame him. If I’d known he was around, I would’ve locked my door. A few more days, and I could’ve faked it like I always did.
Vali joined us for lunch. She and Codrin got along weirdly well. He had never held down anything more than a one-night stand. Maybe Father made him that way. Maybe someday we’d all be free to figure out who the hell we were supposed to be.
Lina strutted back to me, and I couldn’t help but watch her, clothed or not. Preferably not. She placed her hand on my face, squeezing gently but not letting go. “Be good. I’m going to get some groceries with Dorin.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She and Dorin left. Vali flipped on the TV. Her men were around, but didn’t care about me anymore.
Codrin didn’t waste time.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, Cezar. You never do. But I’m done letting you dodge everything. I know what I saw. How long has this been happening?”
I didn’t want to comply, but I did. “I’ll tell you on one condition.” I held out my good arm for him to shake.
“Okay…”
“You don’t tell Darius. And you don’t interfere. Let things play out the way they need to. If you promise me that, I’ll give you what I can.”
He didn’t look happy about it, but eventually nodded.
“It’s been going on for a long time. I don’t remember when it started. Way before Mom died.”
I could already tell he wasn’t going to keep his composure if he kept pushing. I was so used to whatever Father did to me that it barely registered anymore.
“You’re not going to tell me everything, are you?” He stared at the counter.
“No, Codrin, I’m not. The less you know, the better. You were never supposed to know any of it.”
“Why? Do you not trust me?” he asked, his voice laced with hurt.
“That’s not the problem, and you know it. I can’t give you the full story. Just trust that I’m… surviving.” Not okay. Just surviving. “When I’m with Petal, I’m fine.”
“You’re not, dammit! This isn’t how things are supposed to be. It was supposed to be us against the world, and then it was Darius and me against you. I’m so fucking sorry. You’ve always been the best little brother, and I’ve never been disappointed in you,” he cried.
“Codrin, you don’t need to be sorry. If I wanted that, I would have told you. Just let me handle this, okay?” I squeezed his arm reassuringly.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, fighting tears. “If you want me silent, I’ll be silent. But next time, you tell me. I can be there. You don’t have to be alone. I promise. I’ll do better.” He stood and hugged me.
I would never let them live the way I did.
Chapter 41
CEZAR
Life quieted down for a while. My body started healing, thanks to Dorin and Lina keeping a close eye on me. Codrin came in and out of the house to see how I was doing, talk with me, pretend he wasn’t still shaken by what he’d seen. It almost felt like the good days when Mom was around.
