Page 95 of Etiquette of the Cruel

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My clothes were scattered around the room, and my hands shook badly enough that I missed grabbing my shirt the first time. Behind me, sheets rustled.

“What’s going on?” she asked quietly. “Why are you acting weird?”

I dragged my pants on without answering.

“Cezar.” Sharper this time. “Talk to me.”

Every breath turned shallow. I clenched my hands hard enough for the rose carved into my chest to throb.

I’ll kill him.

The thought took hold again. Violent. Unrelenting.

“Cezar, what the fuck is happening?”

I grabbed the dagger I had gifted her from the nightstand, keeping my focus on anything else. I wouldn’t fucking survive looking at her. “I have to go home.”

Then, “What the hell do you mean you have to go home?”

I shoved my shirt over my head, movements rough and rushed.

“No.” Bare feet hit the floor behind me. “No, what are you talking about?”

I started toward the door just as her hand wrapped around my arm.

“Cezar, that isn’t your home anymore.”

I faltered. The realization hollowed me out all over again because she was mine, and I was about to rip myself out of her life with my own fucking hands.

She deserves so much better than me.

I carefully untangled myself from her before I did something weak like stay.

“Look at me.” Her voice cracked slightly this time. “Please just fucking talk to me.”

I still couldn’t do it. If I did, I would break before I ever made it to him.

To him.

To the man who made me this way.

To end it all.

If I stayed, she’d see me.

And if she saw me, she’d never forgive me.

The floor creaked under my feet as I willed myself forward. Every instinct begged me to turn around and pretend none of this was real. Pretending was what brought me here in the first place. I couldn’t keep living inside this lie.

“Cezar.”

Her fingers trapped mine just before I reached the door. The last shred of restraint snapped. I turned and folded her into my arms. Holding her for one selfish second. The lasting tremor in her body seeped into mine.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against her hair.

Then I let her go. Not hard. Enough to create distance before I yanked the door open and slipped into the hallway.

“Cezar—”