I’m expecting it to be a text from Lilly letting me know she’s on her way because she always texts me to let me know, and it always makes me sweat with anticipation.
And it is her, but what she says makes my chest tighten, and my heart sinks.
Lil-Bug:Gonna have to cancel.
Me:You’re not coming?
Lil-Bug:No, sorry. Something came up.
Me:Something came up?
Standing up, I pace around my room and look down at our text thread with furrowed brows as I wait for her reply…but it doesn’t come.
She’s never cancelled before,ever.
Was she unwell?
I replayed the last few days on a loop in my mind, she’d become distant, almost distracted and it didn’t sit right with me.
Lilly always wore her heart on her sleeve, she’d always tell me if there was something wrong. She thought I didn’t notice that she’s been trying to create distance between us, but I noticed everything about her—including this little attitude change.
And I know it’s got nothing to do with Callie walking in on us kissing the other day, it’s something deeper.
What’s changed?
Why was she pulling away?
She handed in her article to her Professor the other day which means she hasn’t been coming to practice, but why am I sad over that? I’m so used to seeing her practically every day, and now she’s nowhere to be seen.
It’s almost like she’s deliberately ignoring me, but why?
Have I done something wrong?
Sighing, I sit down at my desk and run my fingers along Albert. Everything in my room reminds me of her now. From the carpet where she had worn a path, walking back and forth along it the night we agreed to start “fake” dating. To the bed where I’d woken up with her hand on my dick, and finger fucked her for the first time
The same bed we’ve both slept in numerous times. The pillow beside mine smells like her—strawberries and something uniquely her.
I’m addicted to everything about her.
And I hate to admit this, but whenever she’s not there, I cuddle the pillow envisioning it’s her I’m cuddling. It’s stupid, I know. What we have wasn’t going to last, I knew that. We both knew it. But every time I’m around her, I can’t help but wish it was real.
I wanted more than to be her “fake” boyfriend.I wanted her. All of her. No pretending. No faking. I wanted the real thing.
I wasn’t lying when I told her I knew how to follow rules, I’d just forgotten to mention the part about knowing how to break them too.
And I’d broken the rule.
But rules were meant to be broken.
She was stupid for including the “no falling in love” rule in the first place.
I don’t exactly know when the lines began to blur, but they had, and now I’m fucked.
***
I don’t know what I’m doing here.
I shouldn’t be here.
