“As safe as it’ll ever be. I must talk tae ye.”
“Go tae bed, Isadora.”
Instead of doing as he asked, she came down off the chair, blanket and all, and sat down next to him on the floor. He eyed her, trying to scoot away from her, but she reached out and grasped him by the arm.
“Nay, laddie,” she said firmly. “Ye’re not going anywhere. We must talk.”
He couldn’t move much further away, in truth, because that would put him right into the hearth, so he stopped moving. But he could feel her heat through his clothing and it made him want to pull her into his arms and kiss her. God, he’d missed her so. But instead of acting on instinct, he simply looked away.
“What do ye want?” he asked.
“I want tae know what has ye so moody that ye willna even look at me,” she said. “Have I done something wrong?”
Cam sighed faintly. “Of course not,” he said. “I dunna want yer da tae realize we know each other more than he thinks we do, at least not until I know the man better. I’m trying tae be safe about this, Is.”
“That doesna mean ye canna smile at me once in a while,” she said softly. “Do ye still love me, Cam?”
“Thu fhèin,” he whispered.
Isadora found herself fingering the copper bracelet on her arm, the one she never took off. “Then why are ye so cold?”
“I told ye,” he said. “I dunna want yer da tae become suspicious. And… and coming back tae the Highlands… it has brought back unwelcome memories.”
“Is that what ye were dreaming about?”
He hesitated a moment before nodding his head, once. “Aye.”
“About Nikolaus?”
He looked at her, sharply. “Where did ye hear that?”
“From ye, just now. Ye were calling out for Nikolaus.”
Hearing Isadora mention his grandfather’s name somehow weakened his composure, but it wasn’t intentional on her part. It was simply that hearing the name spoken by another somehow intensified the memory.
It brought back the grief.
“I miss him,” he said simply.
Isadora sat forward, looking at him. She’d spent the past four days watching the man withdraw further and further away. The more they ventured into the Highlands, the more withdrawn he’d become until he was a shell of the man she’d known at the Ludus Caledonia.
Did he still love her? She believed him when he said he did. But there was far more going on inside of him than he was confessing to. He seemed incredibly tormented now.
She wanted to know why.
“I can only imagine how much ye do,” she murmured. “And I know he’s the reason why ye went tae The Cal tae learn tae fight, but the question is why. Do ye intend tae avenge him someday?”
Cam sighed heavily, avoiding a question that would produce an answer she didn’t want to hear. “I had nothing else,” he said. “Everything was gone. Why should I not go tae The Cal and learn tae fight? I was forced tae find a new life.”
He was becoming defensive and Isadora moved to soothe him. “Ye should do whatever ye feel ye need tae do,” she said. “Cam, look at me.”
It took him quite some time to turn in her direction and when he did, his gaze was guarded. Isadora took a moment to look into that handsome face: the straight nose, the square jaw with the dimple in his chin, and the green eyes that were so very tortured.
“I want ye tae listen tae me because it is important,” she said quietly. “I know ye’re a tormented man, Cam. I’ve seen that since I first saw ye in the arena at The Cal. Ye’ve changed from the man I knew in Netherton, the one before the destruction ofthe village. Ye’ve become moody and sad and angry, and it hurts my heart tae see ye so. I know the death of yer grandfather has caused these feelings within ye, but if ye ever need tae talk tae someone about it, know that I’ll be more than happy tae listen. Dunna close yerself off from someone who loves ye and only wants tae help.”
They were sweetly spoken words and Cam knew she meant them. Her love, her compassion, was cracking his walls of vengeance. How he ever deserved the love of someone like Isadora, he didn’t know. It made what he had to do to her clan that much more heartbreaking.
Reaching out, he lifted her hand for a tender kiss before releasing it.
