“Charley knows. I’m selfish, right? I’m selfish and dramatic, and not built to be with another person. Not for forever. Not someone like Petey.”
Ethan’s eyes were darting between his view of us in the mirror and the road. “Charley doesn’t think that, Lo. I promise she doesn’t.”
“Well, then she’s as delusional as our mother.”
I fell deeper into my seat, debilitated by her jab and mortified that Ethan was here to witness it.
Thiswas the problem with having sisters. They’d been there from the beginning. They knew your strengths, your weaknesses, and they knew how to deliver the fatal blow before you could even spot it coming.
“Enough, Laurel,” Ethan told her in the voice he used for rowdy tweens at the Donut Barn. “You’re drunk. You’re going to regret saying all of this tomorrow.”
But she wasn’t interested in his words of caution. “You’ve met our parents, right? Their marriage is a joke. We’d’ve been better off if they’d never pretended they were capable of doing anything besides disappointing each other. Now we’re cursed.”
“We’re not cursed,” I butted in, because now I was pissed. “Mom loves trying to make a bad thing work and so do you apparently. If you would actually date someone who makes sense for you—”
“Like you and that Owen guy?” Laurel hiccupped. “You’ll find a way to ruin it. It’s what we do. We’re ruiners.”
“That’s sweet, Lo,” Ethan spat, putting the van into park in front of my dormitory.
Every part of my body was clenched. My jaw. My toes. My hands were fisted so tightly, my fingernails had pressedhalf-moons into my palms. I wanted Laurel to stop saying these things, but even more than that, I wanted them not to be true.WasI going to ruin things with Perfectly Nice Owen simply by being a Beekman woman? Doomed to be deserted or to disappear into an unequal relationship?
Ethan slid open Laurel’s door, and I wanted to say something that would halt time. Turn it backward. Undo all the things we’d done and said that had placed us in this exact spot in front of the sidewalk where a nineteen-year-old stranger was vomiting into a bush.
“I’m not being mean. I’m being honest,” Laurel said, digging through her purse for the pack of American Spirits she only smoked when she rode this particular level of intoxication.
Ethan unbuckled Laurel and pulled her out of her seat. “Said every mean person ever. You’re lucky you’re basically a sister to me, because I’m tempted to drive off with Charley and leave you on the curb to fend for yourself.”
She fumbled with her Zippo lighter. “Someone needs to look after her once you’re gone, and it’s not going to be Owen.”
I would’ve assumed her words were the ramblings of a drunken fool if not for the way Ethan’s face crumpled.
“What’s she talking about?” I asked, climbing out onto the sidewalk.
She rubbed her bare arms in an attempt to ward off the inevitable shiver. “The tour thingy,” she muttered, cigarette flapping between her lips.
Apprehension slithered up my neck. My body knewsomethingwas happening, but it didn’t know what.
Ethan grabbed my hand. “I was gonna tell you,” he said. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Shit. Did I fuck up?” Laurel asked, chastened.
“Yes,” he scolded, just as I said, “No, you’re fine.”
“I’m gonna smoke this where it’s warm,” Laurel interjected, looking between us and backing away in the direction of the heated bus shelter fifteen feet away.
“I wanted to tell you when we could talk. In private. I told my parents about the tour, like you said. It turns out, they’ve been thinking about closing the shop for a while. They knew it wasn’t my dream, but they didn’t want to sell it out from under me if I didn’t have another plan.” His eyes darted all over my face like he was desperate to decipher my expression. I didn’t even know what I was thinking, so I couldn’t imagine what my face was doing.
So much for being a clock.
I kept my voice light when I said, “I’m so happy for you.”
His face changed, like I’d said something unexpected, disappointing even, but I couldn’t tell how. He let go of my hand, stuffing his into his pockets. “Yeah?”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” And it was true. I loved Ethan enough to want more for him than Lewellen. “When do you leave?”
“Thursday.”
“That’s soon. Not as bad as that time I skipped town the next day, but…” I forced my mouth to smile as a tear fell on my cheek. “We’re always dramatically leaving each other, huh?”
