“It’ll be fine, brother,” Petey tells him. “We just have to get it off. Then you’ll be good.”
Laurel gasps. “Holy shit! Is that a bear trap?”
My eyes follow his leg all the way down to the red mangled mess of swollen foot and hiking sandal that’s clamped between two metal jaws.
“Bear traps are illegal,” Ethan informs Laurel. “Especially in parks.”
“Well, it’s here and crushing his foot, so—”
“Crushing?I can’t look!” Ted whimpers, his head tilted skyward. Harlow hisses sympathetically as Russell gags over Ted’s rapidly purpling foot.
I shake my head. “It’s not a bear trap. It’s a Payne small-animal grip trap. See, there’s no teeth and the spring is still engaged to maintain gentle tension,” I say, explaining the metal contraption.
“Gentle, my ahh—” Ted’s wail interrupts his comeback.
“Why do you know that?” Laurel asks me.
“They’re one of our clients. I wrote the patent appeal brief.”
“Ted, I’m sure it’s only broken,” Petey says with what I’m assuming is theintentionof comforting him, but based on Ted’s face, it isn’t the reassurance he’s seeking. Still, Petey forges ahead. “You’ll be fine. I’ve broken my wrist twice, and if I can handle it, you can handle it. You’re Ted freakin’ Wetter!”
“Wait…,” Laurel interrupts. “Wet Ted’snameis TedWetter? Did anyone else know this?” Everyone, apart from Ted—who’s still writhing on the ground—shoots her a look. She puts her hands up. “Not the time. Got it.”
Petey’s giant paws clumsily examine the trap. “Ted, buddy, I’m gonna tug your foot out slowly—”
“No.” I stop him. “He’ll lose a toe that way.”
At the mention of toes, Russell retches, and Ethan tugs me down to foot level beside him. “Do you know how to disengage it?” he asks.
I nod. I know absolutely everything there is to know about the mechanisms of small-animal traps, and for the briefest moment, I’m grateful that Bob Champion has never done a single day of work in his life.
“Ethan, hold his foot still,” I instruct. “We need to pinch this and pull the pin at the same time, and it should…”
The trap springs open, and Ted unleashes a scream that shudders the surrounding trees and shakes loose a flurry of squawking birds. If there are any campers within earshot, they are surely taking cover.
“Don’t worry, Ted. It doesn’t look so bad,” Harlow says sweetly, but somehow, the foot looks even more malformed when free of the metal clamp. She turns to face the rest of us. “Russell and I will take him to the hospital for an X-ray and some pain meds. Can you guys pack up my stuff and leave it at Ted’s?”
“Of course,” Ethan assures her.
Ethan and Laurel grab Harlow’s green canoe. Meanwhile, Russell helps Ted get comfortable.
“We should take my kayak,” Ted directs. He’s calmer but still noticeably pained and gripping his crimson-hued foot. “It’s bigger. Charley, can you—?”
“That might not be possible,” Laurel tells him on my behalf as she hands Harlow her paddles.
“It’s a bit banged up. It’s actually a really funny story,” Iexplain, unable to meet his eyes. “So, it found its way into a tree…”
Ted’s mouth drops open.
Laurel grabs the stern. “We handled it, Wetter. Don’t you worry about a thing.” She gives the canoe a double tap before sending it into the water with a shove. “See you on the other side, buddy.”
“I don’t think I’ll be giving you your security deposit back,” Ted calls out. “Any of you!”
And because that seems more than fair, Petey, Ethan, Laurel, and I wave apologetically as they float away.
And then there were four.
•••
