“She did?” He blinks in confusion.
“She told me you were only with me because you wanted a replacement family.”
His eyes darken. “She said that?” It bothers me that he doesn’t believe me, that he might think I’m the one lying.
“Clearly you’ve decided she’s trustworthy, so I’m not going to convince you.”
I see him visibly collect himself. “Well, it doesn’t matter what she wants, because I still want to be with you, okay? I made a mistake, and I am trying to say… I’m trying to say that I want to try again. I want to apologize.”
“No.” The word comes out before I have time to think about it. I can’t do this. “Listen, I know you have a difficult history. I know it’s hard for you to trust,” I say. “But I have a history, too. And I am not going to put up with another man who comes in and out of my life whenever he feels like it because he isn’t sure what he wants. I deserve better than that.”
His face falls. “I know that.”
“You let your ex-girlfriend talk you out of dating me, and you accused me of being unreliable when it comes to my ex?”
“You let him stay in your apartment!”
“Yes, I did. I let Nick stay because my daughter wanted more time with him. And I helped him take his shirt off, several times. I helped him get undressed once for a shower. And you know what? I wasn’t tempted to sleep with him—not once—and I didn’t kiss him on the lips in afriendlyway, not once. Because the whole time I was thinking about how much I wanted to be with you.”
Ollie looks a little stunned, like I really have slapped him.
“So if you wanted to test me and my feelings about my ex,” I say, “guess what? I passed the test. You didn’t.”
I turn and walk away.
When I pushmy way back into the cool air of the lobby, I see Jody leaning against the wall, waiting for me.
“You two getting married?”
“I told him off.”
“Good.” She nods, slowly, but doesn’t move from the wall. “So, guess what happened while you were talking to Ollie?”
“What?”
“Téa broke up with me.”
“What? Right now?”
“By text. To cancel our plans. She said I was a negative person who didn’t seem excited about her.” Jody looks miserable.
“Oh, no, Jody. I’m sorry.”
“And the worst part is that she’s right, isn’t she?”
“You’re not a negative person.” She raises her eyebrows at me. “Okay, maybe on the surface. But beneath that, you’re a loyal, caring person. You use sarcasm as a shield.”
“Yeah, well, I guess she couldn’t see the bitter interior under my bitter surface.”
“You’re not bitter.”
Jody rolls her eyes, looking like the teenager she must once have been.
“I mean it,” I say. “I mean, look at Ben—he pretty much stands for everything you hate. He’s an investment banker living in a building with a 24-hour-gym. But it was you who noticed how sad he was. You kept in touch with him. You watched out for him. And you did the same for me, calling me when I was about to quit dance. Those are not the actions of a bitter person.”
Jody shrugs. I am surprised to see tears in her eyes; she hides her vulnerability so well that I hadn’t fully realized she had any. “I just get so pessimistic, you know? My divorce wrecked me. Allison…my wife? She was my first girlfriend, from when I was eighteen to twenty-seven. We were roommates in college. And then she fell for someone else. Out of nowhere, you know? But the more pessimistic I get, the more it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s like—my dating pool is smaller, so I feel like I can’t wait for a spark. I have to make it work. I want to put in the work with someone, and no one wants to put in the work for me.”She wipes at her eyes. “And don’t tell me I’ll find my one special person. Because you know it’s bullshit.”
“Hey.” I give her a hug. “I found my person. I found you, and you’re a really good friend. I thought when my sister left there would be no one else I could rely on, but I know I can rely on you, because you’re honest, and you tell me when I mess up. And that means a lot. And I know how special you are.”
