She shivered a little and looked up.
The sky was spectacular: clear and endless and filled with billions of stars stretching out to eternity. Her heart felt as empty as a hole.
Maybe she should have agreed to spend the week with Ren, but she knew what the result would be. She would fall back in love with him. He would tease her, give her a taste of her old life, restore her to optimism, and then leave. He would go back to Nevada and they would text for a while…and then nothing.
She couldn’t handle that from him again. She wasn’t strong enough.
A dark figure was crossing the lawn coming back from the beach, its outline oddly shaped in the dark. She identified him instantly, carrying a tripod on one shoulder and a camera bag on the other.
She didn’t want to startle him, so she stood up and walked to the edge of the porch to wait. She felt it like a touch the moment he saw her.
“Shooting?” she asked just loudly enough to be heard over the wind.
He nodded. He took the few steps up onto the porch and stood near her, his green eyes looking grey in the half-light. “Couldn’t sleep?”
She nodded.
“Not much moon for your workshop,” she said.
“Anytime you’re hoping to get with the Milky Way, you schedule for the new moon. Reduces the glare.”
“That makes sense.”
He gave a quick smile. “And then you hope for clear skies. This is great right now, but there may be some weather blowing in around Wednesday. I’m hoping the cloud cover will be minimal.”
“If there are rainy days, do your clients ask for their money back?”
“Worse. I have to hang out and socialize with them.”
She smiled a little.
He took a breath. “I know you’ve already said no, but can I explain one thing? I didn’t invite you because I felt sorry for you. Paul said you’d stopped doing photography, and it bothered me. But I also wanted to know you again. And I know a day or two isn’t going to cut it, especially if we’re busy shooting the wedding. I wanted to see if we could be friends again.” Ren went silent for a moment, as the waves continued their endless cycle of advance and retreat. “I know I messed things up with you. And I knew I couldn’t apologize without at least explaining myself. I don’t know when I’m going to get another chance.”
She considered this, looking out toward the water. “What will you do if you don’t find an assistant?”
“I’ll figure it out. It’ll be harder but I’ll make it work.” He sighed. “I just really hoped I could talk you into it.”
“You haven’t contacted me in years.” He still texted her on her birthday and she on his. But that was it.
“I know. I thought…after what happened…I thought I had messed up our friendship so much that I needed to apologize in person, and by the time I could make it there to do it, you were involved with someone, and it felt inappropriate to talk about it.” Inappropriate? The idea that Ren had feelings for her felt so implausible that Sarah dismissed it out of hand. He couldn’t possibly mean that, could he?
“And then you got married,” he went on, “and I didn’t want to hear about how great your marriage was. Or if it was shitty, I didn’t want to hear that either.”
“It didn’t start out shitty,” she said.
“I kept waiting for news that you were having a kid.”
“Ha. Irony.”
“I wish you had. I wish you’d gotten everything you wanted. I just didn’t think I could be friends with you and watch it happen.”
“I was friends with you when you were married.”
He looked down. “I know, but that was different.”
“Why?”
He took a step closer. “Because I hadn’t messed everything up yet.” He looked at her until she finally met his eyes. “Can you just give me a chance to get to know you again? I miss being your friend.”
