Her mother pulled Sarah quickly aside as Ren was carrying Sarah’s small duffel bag to the car.
“You’re not dating him?” she asked urgently.
“No, Mom.”
“He’s just…you know, men that handsome…he’s not going to stay.”
“Wow. Thanks.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I’ll call you this week to tell you how it’s going, okay?”
Sarah gave her mother a huge hug. She wasn’t going to see her again on this trip; Ren had managed to book Sarah a flight out of Deer Lake, near their workshop, straight to Toronto, so she wouldn’t be flying through St. John’s on her way home. She had the same terrible feeling she always did when she left her mother, like a heavy weight was dropping from the top of her chest to the bottom, breaking everything it hit on the way down. She hated to go. She loved her mother so much, but she always felt like she could breathe easier when she was far away.
Maureen’s eyes filled with tears as they hugged goodbye. It might be six months before they saw each other. Sarah promised to call every Sunday.
Then Sarah climbed into Ren’s red SUV rental car and closed the door.
“Ready,” Sarah said without making eye contact with him.
She could feel his sympathetic gaze all the same. “Thanks for doing this.”
Ren started up the car and gave a last wave to her mother, who was watching their departure through the front window, the white curtains framing her face like two walls crushing in from either side. Sarah managed a last bright smile until they were out of the driveway, and then she felt herself crumbling, her shoulders dropping.Grieving, she thought again. She was grieving the times she had come here with a husband in tow. Danny had been such a bright light when he came to visit, so cheerful, making everyone laugh. Her mother had trusted Danny to take care of Sarah. Everyone had trusted him. She sighed, shaking her head to clear the memories.
“What are you thinking about?” Ren asked.
“Nothing important.” They headed down the road. “My mother just told me you were too handsome for me to date,” she added a moment later.
“What?” He stared at her for a moment as they reached the town’s only stop sign.
“She doesn’t trust handsome men,” Sarah said. “She said if we dated, you would leave me.”
“But what does that imply about…I mean…you’re…”
Sarah shrugged. “She just worries.”
“Your self-doubt makes more sense now,” Ren said quietly.
“If you want the real reason for my self-doubt, drive up the road twenty minutes to my high school. For four years, I had exactly three friends and two hundred people who hated me. Someone took the air out of my tires the night I was going to drive my boyfriend to prom.”
He stared at her. “Why?”
She shrugged. “Because I was different. And I refused to be normal. I had blue hair for a while. It caused my mother so much stress that I wouldn’t just fit in.”
He considered this. “Well, for my first couple of years of high school, I was the resident gay guy who wasn’t actually gay.”
“Why did they think you were gay?” She remembered his comment once about having girls’ eyes.
“The usual reasons. I dressed well. I read books. I listened to weird music.”
“So you got your revenge by sleeping with every girl you could.”
“Not really. I only slept with five girls in high school.”
“Ren, that’s a lot!”
“Is it?” He frowned.
