“And I can see why you are. Your story about losing your virginity offends me just from a craftsmanship perspective.”
“Craftmanship?” Sarah laughed. “Satisfying women in bed is like crochet?”
“Or woodworking or knitting? Absolutely. It requires patience, attention to detail, and occasionally the right tools.”
Sarah laughed. “I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about me and Phil. I haven’t even told Anya that story.”
“I didn’t tell anyone about Giselle. You and Paola are the only people who know about her, aside from my therapist. It took a long time to admit that I was a victim in that situation.”
She watched him for a moment. He gave her a quick, rueful smile and then looked down again.
“Can I give you a hug?” she asked.
He looked confused. “Why?”
“Because I can’t go back and push that woman into traffic, so this is what I can do instead.”
Ren was silent for a moment. “You know when you talked about how you didn’t want pity? I don’t either.”
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
After a long moment, he shifted on the bed and she realized he was making room for her. She stepped over to Ren’s bed and sat next to him, putting her arms around him. After a moment, she let him go and they just sat there, legs pressed against each other, saying nothing.
“I wish we’d talked more about real things back in school,” Ren said quietly.
“I made it hard. I was always making fun of you.”
“I didn’t mind that.”
Sarah sat there with him for a long, quiet moment. She didn’t know what any of this meant, but it felt natural to be with him. It had always felt natural, even back at university, on the rare occasion that they were sitting on a sofa next to each other or pressed against each other in a bar. It was one reason that things were always so confusing.
After a moment, Ren spoke again. “When Paola and I were getting a divorce, she said…” He stopped speaking entirely, like he’d hit a wall.
“What?”
“She said that I was probably emotionally stunted at sixteen because of what had happened. That I was emotionally still a teenager.”
Sarah felt appalled. “That’s not true at all.”
“It’s probably true on some level.”
She looked up at him. “No. You’re grown up about a lot of things. I know you’re a good parent. And you’re organized. You look out for people. Even in school, you made sure people were okay when they were drunk, or cold, or needed help coming up with ideas for a paper. Maybe Paola’s the only woman you ever loved, but I don’t think she was seeing you clearly when she said that.”
He shook his head. “Paola’s not the only woman I ever loved.”
“I thought you said you only loved one person.”
“I didn’t say it was her.”
Sarah felt herself holding her breath. She waited for him to tell her who it was. The thought that it was Sarah herself drifted across her mind like a passing cloud, but she knew better than that. Surely if that were true, he would have asked to date her at some point. Surely he wouldn’t have let her go.
She spoke after a moment, her head leaning a little against his shoulder. “I’m afraid to become your assistant because I don’t want my whole life to revolve around you. If we had a fight or something, I don’t want to lose my friend and my job and my financial stability.”
“I understand that,” Ren said quietly.
“But we could try it. For a while. Because I really hate my job right now.”
“I know you do,” he said. There was a touch of humor in the words. He had been able to see it. The first time she had talked about her job, he had known how miserable she was.
