The car went quiet again, but this silence felt thick and tense and heavy. A few seconds passed.
“What do you think we’re doing?” he finally asked. His tone was plain and even, neither harsh nor soft. Just neutral.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I know it’s more than practice.”
“It’s definitely not practice,” he said firmly.
“But it’s also not fully real, right?”
He paused. “Why do you say that?”
“Because none of this can be real. Unless you’ve changed your mind about marriage?”
“I haven’t,” he said quickly.
“So where could this possibly go?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again. “There are options between nothing and marriage. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
“I know that. But for me it does.” She winced. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not saying we have to know right this second whether we want to get married to each other or not. But I need to know that marriage is on the table. As a possibility. At some point. I mean, I don’t even know what you really mean when you say you never want to get married. Are you saying you never want a legal marriage or are you saying you never want a partner?”
He didn’t respond for a few moments, and Meghna risked a look over at him. His face was deadly serious, his expression still and pensive.
“Both,” he replied.
“Okay,” she said, pushing aside the disappointment she felt. “That’s fine. I get it. You’ve said that before, but where does that leave us?”
He went quiet again, then finally let out a sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I don’t want to be friends with benefits.”
“I don’t want that, either.”
“Then what do you want?”
Meghna had been driving as if she were on autopilot. She only now registered that they were at the airport. She pulled into a curbside parking spot in the drop-off zone, switched off the car, and turned in her seat so she could fully face Karthik.
“Well?” she asked.
“I want to be around you.” His hands lifted, and he held her face gently.
Some of Meghna’s frustration softened when she saw the genuine conflict in his eyes.
“I want to kiss you,” he continued. “And talk to you. And…” He shook his head. “Why can’t that be enough?”
She gave him a small smile. “I want those things too,” she said. “But I want more.”
“I can’t give you anything more,” he said with a note of desperation in his voice.
“I know.”
Panic flared across his face. “You said you didn’t want me to regret anything. And I don’t. But I don’t want you regretting this, either.”
“I don’t. I don’t regret it. But I also don’t think we can repeat it.”
He dropped his hands and moved back suddenly. Meghna wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw him flinch.
“We need to stick to the original plan. Go back to just being engaged.” She let out a short, humorless laugh. “Fake-engaged, I mean. Nothing…physical unless it’s necessary.”
