“A zip line?” He releases a puff of breath, and I feel it moving through my bangs. “No. James did on one of his trips, and he made it sound fun, but the idea terrified me.”
“Yeah, we had a couple contestants sit this one out. And I don’t try all of the things we do on the show. I like zip-lining, but I can’t snorkel.”
His hand’s been playing with the ends of my hair, but now it goes still. “Really?”
“I can swim fine, but breathing through that apparatus and the waves, especially when it’s choppy—it makes me panic.”
He hums, and his hand moves again, but there’s something he isn’t saying. Something he’s holding back.
I look up at him. “What?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and then he exhales, his chest rising and falling against my cheek. “I don’t know,” he says. “I think…you’re…To me you seem fearless. Bold and confident and adventurous. And I felt—” Lines form across his forehead. “I don’t know. Hearing you say you’re scared of something ordinary, it makes me feel less…I felt kind of bad before. Earlier. That I couldn’t help with the driving. I wanted to, I felt awful that you had to drive the whole way back, but the thought of it…” He stops, taking a deep breath. “I can’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, remembering the things I said on the way to Skye, asking why he couldn’t take over the wheel. “I didn’t know then, but I’m sorry. For anything I said that—”
“No, it’s okay, it’s more—I felt kind of silly about it. You do all these things. You travel everywhere, you’re comfortable driving on the other side of the road, and I—”
“It’s not silly.”
“I know, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to drive again, and I wasn’t sure if you’d care about something like that. If you’d be okaywith that. But knowing that you’re scared of something,anything,it makes me feel a little…better. Somehow.”
Something soft and tender rises within me.
“Jacob.” I brush my fingers against his chin, turning him toward me, and our eyes lock. I can’t believe that he’d think he’d need to be any different, that he’d need to do anything different.You’re wonderful just as you are.The words are in my mind, in my heart, but saying them…it feels like too much. Too big of a confession. Too large a feeling fortwo weeks, and then we’ll see,so I try to tell him in other ways. Rising up to him, meeting his mouth with mine, finding my way to his bedroom, pulling him inside.
25
“How’s the honeymoon?” I ask, and Maggie’s laughter travels over the phone.
“Not quite a honeymoon anymore.”
I wince. “Sorry. I meant the trip.”
Jacob sends me a quick smile over his shoulder before turning back to the eggs on the stove.
“Nothing to worry about,” Maggie says. “It basicallyisour honeymoon, but I’m going to take the excuse to have another one. Which should be soon.”
Jacob and I exchange a glance.
He opens his mouth, but I raise a hand, stopping him. I’m chopping some fruit to go with our breakfast, so I’ve left the call on speakerphone, but we haven’t told my father or Maggie that the two of us are staying together. They’d have questions if they heard Jacob talking now, and I’m not sure I could come up with a believable excuse as to why we’re at the same place at—I glance over at the clock—eight in the morning.
We’ve been hibernating at Jacob’s flat for three days, and we’ve fallen into an easy routine.
He makes breakfast while I assist. Then he sits at his desk, and I settle on the couch with a blanket around me and my computer on my lap. He’ll shuffle papers, frown, look at his phone, and then move to his laptop, and I’ll barely hear him, zoned out as I research similar shows and fine-tune the pitch.
At some point, we’ll stretch and take a break for lunch, or sometimes I’ll get up and make tea.
After we’re done with work, we go on a walk, or stay on the couch if it’s raining (which it has been most of the time so far), and it’s cozy and lovely, sharing dinner with him, talking about the things we’re working on. Watching more ofLove in the Sun,and then switching it off to discover more about each other.
Like how Jacob is ticklish beneath his ribs, and that there’s a spot on the side of his neck that sets him aflame.
And he’s learned just how far my being-told-what-to-do thing goes, and turns out…well, it goes quite a long way.
My face heats as I remember last night, Jacob lifting my hands to the headboard, telling me not to move.
“Neelu? Are you still there?”
I blink. “Yes, Maggie. Still here.”
