Wren launched her roll of toilet paper. It fluttered through the air and unraveled beautifully, looping just over a branch of the big tree in the front yard and landing on the ground on the other side, leaving a perfect arc of paper behind.
“Godthat felt good,” Wren cried, looking down at her hands like she had just been granted infinite cosmic power. “That must be what people feel like the first time they do cocaine. I’m getting another one.”
Arthur lined up his own shot. He wanted to TP the house itself. The arrogant Realtor and herGosh, can’t you just see the potential?rang in his ears. Yeah, people used to say that about him, too. To hell with all of them.
He unfurled a perfect throw, which arced over the roof and just to the right of the chimney, streaking the entire front of the house with a long trail of paper.
“Nice one!” Wren said. “You’re a natural.”
He looked back at her. She was balancing the rest of the eighteen pack of rolls in her arms.
“Woah, you’re not screwing around,” he said. He looked around nervously. This was insane. It was broad daylight.
“One day I’ll be someone’s mother, a self-respecting member of the community who doesn’t resort to petty revenge and vandalism,” she said. “But today is not that day. Now, come take some of these.”
He grabbed a few, then felt the beginnings of a light drizzle. At some point, a few clouds had rolled in without him noticing.
“Oh, this is gonna be an absolute mess,” Wren said with glee, tossing another roll, which clanked off a window.
Arthur lined up another shot himself, cocked his arm back, and felt his phone buzz right as he was about to let go. He paused to check the screen and let out a little yelp when he saw the name.
It was Linda Kellerman.
“You OK?” Wren said, still tossing.
“All good, just a sec.” He wandered across the yard to take the call. “Hello?”
“Arthur,” she said, all business. He gulped. Was she watching them from down the street? Had a neighbor spied them and called her to tattle? “I feel a little bad about the showing. You seemed a bit…blindsided.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess a little.”
“Even still, I wanted to encourage you not to give up on the property. Maybe it’s not the ideal fit for a young couple expecting a baby—and you two are adorable, by the way—but if you’re serious about getting into the area, it could be a huge opportunity. Will it take a lot of work? Yes, of course. But for the price, you can’t beat it.”
“We’re about to have a baby and there are no bedrooms. It can’t work.”
“Can’t it? If you move quick enough and are willing to livein a construction zone for just a few weeks, boom, you’ve got your nest egg. It’s an absolutely incredible investment.”
“I don’t know. My girlfriend’s not sure she wants—”
“Oh, she doesn’t know what she wants,” Linda scoffed. “She’s about to pop; her hormones are going crazy. She can’t be held responsible for anything she says and does, OK? It’s your job to make this decision. She has enough to worry about. Take this off her plate. And, wait—did you say girlfriend? You’re not married?”
“No, we’re not.”
“Well then. All the more reason to follow your gut on this.”
Arthur turned around and watched Wren chucking rolls of toilet paper with a demented glee in her eyes. The lady had a point. Wren was certainly making some rash decisions lately.
“Just think about it,” the agent said. “And call me, OK? Just give it some thought before you let this one get away.”
After, Arthur and Wren surveyed the damage. It was pretty impressive. The house was nearly mummified.
“We should probably get out of here,” Arthur said, amazed that no one had walked by yet. “Returning to the scene of the crime is one thing. Never leaving in the first place is another.”
“Sorry, it’s just—” Wren sniffed, admiring her work like a canvas masterpiece. “It’s beautiful.”
He couldn’t help but laugh.
“I know it sounds ridiculous,” she said. “But I was never allowed to be the troublemaker, to screw around a little, you know? I mean, I had a short phase, don’t get me wrong. But I was already a big enough burden to everyone as it was.”
