Amanda immediately stiffened. She felt around Sean like Molly must feel around others of her own kind: she didn’t mix. When they put Molly in with other polar bears, she was awkward and did all the wrong things. They didn’t like her, and Amanda was pretty sure Sean didn’t like her either.
Which was too bad, because she liked him. Very much.
Sean had dark wavy hair, cut close. His eyes were a deep brown. He smiled at her now.
“How was your break?” he asked.
“Good,” she said, too eagerly.
“You should take more.”
What did that mean? Was he trying to get rid of her?
“I like it here.”
“I know. Just, people deserve vacations. You’re a hard worker.”
“I see you have no problems taking vacation time.”
Now, that was a dumb thing to say. It sounded accusatory.
But he just smiled. He had such a nice smile, with white teeth. “Damn right I don’t. I deserve every minute of it, too, with all this shit shoveling. If you don’t use it, you lose it.”
If you don’t use it, you lose itwas one of those sayings Amanda had puzzled over as a child. Along withKeep your eyes peeled.Onceher father had said that when she was eight and he was driving, and Amanda had screamed in fright. She thought he meant she should peel her eyes.
It was just one of the many things about her that were weird and unfathomable. She could do advanced-level writing but counted on her fingers. The most mundane things puzzled her. And human relationships? She felt like Larry with his nutcracker, always pulverizing her opportunities.
Amanda had learned to hide her struggles, and she did so now by returning to the task at hand, throwing fish to Molly.
“Poor girl, look at her fur,” Sean said.
Molly had a habit of rubbing against the walls of her enclosure. It was stress-related behavior the zookeepers had thought would improve with a new habitat. But even with a massive icy new pool and many enrichments, Molly still rubbed in distress.
Amanda knew why, and so did Sean.
“She needs another bear,” he said.
“They reject her,” Amanda said, because it was true. They had tried several times with Molly, and none of them took. One introduction had even resulted in bloodshed. Polar bears learned social skills from their families, and Molly had never had one. She needed other bears, just like people needed people. It was a conundrum for Molly—and for her.
Amanda finished throwing the fish. When she turned around, Sean was gone. She felt bad, like she had missed an opportunity.
The zoo opened for the day, and the air filled with the hot sugary smell of frying elephant ears and the scent of buttery popcorn. Children appeared in great noisy numbers, like flocks of birds. Amanda put on her bright red zoo uniform jacket to go out and speak to them.
“Molly wouldn’t survive in the wild,” she told a school group. “She needs to live here.”
Their teacher spoke in the singsong voice of tired women everywhere.
“How lucky she is! Isn’t she lucky?”
“No,” Amanda replied. “No one is lucky to live in a cage. Even if it’s nice.”
The teacher faltered.
“But it’s the best we can do,” Amanda said.
The teacher led her charges away.
“Why did you say that?” Sean appeared at her side. There was only curiosity in his face, nothing more. But Amanda was afraid to answer.
