Jude disentangles from me and gets off the couch. “For that, now you’re definitely clipping her nails.”
When he comes back to Taco lounging on my lap, he makes a sound of disgust and hands me the clippers and a bag of treats. The job is easy enough, and when I’m done, she shakes her fur and leaves like she’s grown tired of our company.
“I don’t get it,” he says, watching her graceful retreat into a dark room.
“You’re nervous around her. She can tell you think she’s going to lash out, so she does.”
“So, you’re saying if I just act like she’s going to be well-behaved, then she will be?”
“Couldn’t hurt to give her the benefit of the doubt.”
“Maybe trust doesn’t come easy for me either,” he says.
Understatement of the century, I think, with a flash of anger toward whoever lies at the root of his guardedness. I study him for amoment before grabbing one of the soft throw blankets from the back of the couch to drape over us. Tonight, after every confession he groaned into my wet skin and our conversation afterward, it’s unfathomable that I used to see him as cold and unfeeling. Unthinkable that I could get to know him and not fall for him, no matter the risks. I put my head on his shoulder as he brings his arm around me.
“I read once that zombie movies help with trust issues,” I say.
“Huh. Can’t say I’ve seen that particular study. Was it on bullshit.org?”
I elbow him, refusing to admit I’m making this up. “It was very in-depth! Something about bonding through fear…”
He snorts before grabbing a remote from his coffee table. “Well, if there’s anyone I’d be willing to bond with through fear, it’s definitely the person brave enough to trim Taco’s nails. I bet you’d be amazing in the apocalypse.”
I pretend to wipe a tear away. “I don’t think I’ve ever received a better compliment.”
The giant flatscreen mounted to the wall comes to life, but he doesn’t start searching for anything. Instead, he takes a breath. “And what if I told you I hate violent movies? Would that be a dealbreaker for you?”
He doesn’t look at me as he says it, but all at once, my chest is flooded with a force so large and protective, it’s hard to breathe properly.
“Then I’d say we should watchCorpse Brideinstead,” I say, tangling my fingers with his beneath the blanket. “And I’ll hold your hand, just in case.”
“But what if that’s not enough?” he asks, looking away from the screen to meet my gaze. “What if I need you to stay the night?”
Somewhere in that last request were the wordsI need you, and they glow a little longer than all the rest. I may not be able or willing to put a label on what this is between us, but I do have a word for how it makes me feel.Safe. And more than anything, I want him to feel the same way.
“Then I guess it’s my turn to take care of you, Jude.”
32JUDE
Two Weeks Before the Wedding
Hey, hon, I’m a few minutes away from my lunch meeting. Everything okay?” my mom says when she picks up my call.
Damnit. I thought she might be open for lunch, but I guess a phone call will have to do. Gracie left my place an hour ago, and I’ve been watching the clock until I knew my mom might be free.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I tell her, standing up from my desk. “But I wanted to ask you something.”
“Shoot,” she says, sounding distracted. I hear a distant blare of a horn, and then her muttered, “Okay, okay, I’m moving,” as she fights traffic.
I rub a hand over my face. “Maybe this isn’t the best time,” I say, even though every molecule in my body is vibrating with urgency.
Last night, Gracie opened me up in ways I’ve never been with anyone but my therapist. My small slipups were a far cry from the total trust she shared with me, but somehow, she intuited enough to see the rough shape of what I keep from everyone. It should make me feel panicked. But instead, I feel like I’ve lifted my head above water for the first time in years.
“No, it’s fine, I’m listening,” my mom says. “What’s up, honey?”
Fuck it. I should wait for a better moment, but I can’t. “I met someone.”
The words fly out of me, as freewheeling as a boomerang destined to smack me in the forehead on its way back.
