Because we’re done? I thought?
“Doyouwant space, Kai?”
Want it? Space is all I’ve ever fucking had. I’m barely aware there’s any alternative.
But I can’t lie to Gwenna.
I shake my head.
Now she sits up, too. Pats the bed next to her. “Come back.”
I come back.
I lie down, head on the pillow, and Gwenna slides over to me, resting her head on my chest.
“I just figured…” I don’t know why I’m talking, I should really shut up, but too late now. “You know, given that you just were using me for my body and all?—”
“What?” Gwenna says. “Why would you think that?”
My heart is pounding so hard that I know she can hear it.
“Because I’m…ribbed for your pleasure?” I shift around underneath her. “No, I don’t know. I just…” God, I don’t knowwhat I just. “Wouldn’t be the first time, is all,” I finish.
“What do you mean?”
WhatdoI mean? I stare at the ceiling now, absently stroking her hair.
“Par for the course.”
“How so?”
I think a moment longer. “Bio mom used me for an Adderall prescription, her boyfriend used me for a SNAP card to cash out for cigarettes, Luther used me to fight. I guess I’m just…used to it, you know? Used to being used.”
Fuckin’ Little Orphan Annie over here, Jesus. I hate that I said all that. Now I want to curl up and leave more than ever.
“Well, in that case.” Gwenna rolls over, so she’s on her stomach, chin on my chest, looking up at me. “I have no use you for you, Kai Pendragon,” she says, suddenly deadly serious. “None whatsoever.”
I’m so taken aback I actually laugh. “Really?”
“Really.” She nods. “You’re a purely elective part of my life.”
I grin. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I say. I mean it, too. And…
…and you know what? Fuck it.
I’m impulsive.
I’ve done stupider shit.
“I love you, Gwenna Vale.”
She looks…alarmed. No, surprised. Not…angry, I don’t think. Not that I can do anything about it now, I guess.
I just keep stroking her hair.
“You do?” she says at last.
I nod. “Preeeetty sure.” I lift a shoulder. “Sorry about that.”
