My heart hammers. It takes me a moment to find my voice, and when I do, it's small. "No," I say, the word wavering on my lips. "I didn't, but..."
Once again, I hear Jessie's words.
“But then how did it happen?”
"That," Emrys says, his eyes sparkling, "is what I mean to find out. If," he adds, "you'll join me in my quest."
I give my head a little shake. "What?"
"Would you like to be enrolled back at Caliburn University, Ms. Vale?"
My jaw hangs open a little bit. "I... I mean..." I swallow hard. All things being equal? “Yes," I say, the first time I've admitted it, maybe even to myself. "But that’s…not possible."
Emrys chuckles. "I assure you, it's a simple matter of paperwork. Nothing we couldn't straighten out in an afternoon."
I twist my fingers together. "But the tuition?—"
He waves a hand. "Funded," he says. "You have a generous benefactor in Luther Pendragon. I've explained to him the situation."
A shiver runs down my spine. I don't like this, don't like the idea of being indebted to him, especially since the last time I saw him, his face was contorted with rage, thinking that I'd single-handedly torched thousands of irreplaceable manuscripts.
"I guess I can't object, then," I say lamely. “I mean, you’ve seen the future, right? You know what I’m going to do.”
Emrys shakes his head. “On the contrary.Certainlyyou can object. I won't accept your presence as an unwilling partner. A troubled mind cannot be an open one. A heavy conscience is too pressing a burden for the voyage ahead. Or behind, as it were.” He smiles. “Ms. Vale, I’ve spent centuries—from my perspective—pondering the question of free will. And all I can say is in every action, in every moment, there is one thing humans cherish above all others.”
I wait a beat. “Which is?”
“Sovereignty,” he answers simply. “The ability to choose for oneself. It isthat, not desperation, not obligation, that opens us to the broadest and most glorious possibilities. So I ask you again: do youwantto return and study at this university?"
I clench my fists.
I think of all the reasons I shouldn't. The students that likely still hate me. The invisible strings that must be attached to any kind of scholarship. The four fencers in Camlann House and every confusing, wrenching, furious feeling they make me feel.
And yet, on the other side...
On the other side is all I've ever wanted.
The freedom to study, to read, to learn, to pursue something that really matters. And wrestle with unpacking and unpuzzling it. Something that no one else can do. Something that Igetto do.
I can’t refuse. I won’t.
"I would love to," I say, "if you'll have me."
"Marvelous!" Emrys claps. "Absolutely marvelous. I am beyond delighted to hear it. I'll dash something off for the registrar." He picks up a pen, scribbles a few notes on a pad of paper. “and we’ll set you right. I'll have you in an independent study, along with your erstwhile compatriot, and?—
"Wait," I interrupt him. "I...what about them?" I blurt out. "The four of them just following me around all the time? Is that part of this, too?”
Emrys presses his lips together. "I think you'll find them to be upstanding protectors, Ms. Vale, whether you want them to be or not. And as far as this mystery goes, they are the most ardent pursuers of its resolution that walk the earth today. If what you need is undisturbed time and space to read your way into the truth, then they will give you that. That is their oath-sworn duty."
I sit with that for a long time.
"All right," I say, and let out a deep, long breath.
“I guess…”
I shake my head, clutch my skirt in my hands. "I guess I don't know what to do now. I just get back to studying, like nothing's changed?"
Emrys chuckles. "My dear, everything has changed. Sonaturally, you must get back to studying." He hands me the slip of paper. "I'll see you Tuesday. Don’t be late.”
