There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio…
I let my gaze drift from my fingertips to the backs of my hands to my wrist, to where my sweater sleeve falls over the skin. To what lies underneath it.
Morgan nods. “So what are you going to do about it? What’s the plan?”
“What else?” I say. “Read books. Study. Look for answers.”
At that, Morgan rolls her eyes. “Typical. I mean, no offense. I’m just not one of those…” Now it’s her turn to lower her voice. “Book learning type witches. Imuchprefer to be hands-on, you know?” She picks up her mug as I shake my head.
“Um, no, not really.” I lick my lips. “What can you…do? Is that rude to ask?”
I dart a glance around Holy Grounds, but everyone’s still either talking amongst themselves, buried in books, or tapping at a computer. Kai’s taken to tossing a quarter in the air and catching it, like he’s trying tolookas bored as possible.
And something about that irks me.Idon’t like the 24/7 watch situation. Obviously. But at the same time, I don’t wanthimto resent having to play bodyguard.
I want him to…want to.
As stupid as that sounds.
The realization unfolds uncomfortably inside me, like a cactus blossom caught in my chest.
I want Kai committed to this.
Not because I want it to happen. Not because I want any of this to be the reality.
Because if he’s committed to it, if he’s on board and dedicated, then I can be angry at him.
I can be angry that he didn’t tell me more. That he didn’t tell me sooner. That he didn’t speak up for me when he could have. That he chose an ideology and a mission and a vow over me.
But if he’s not committed…
…if he actually finds it all meaningless and boring and a waste of time keeping him away from better things…
…then he wasn’t standing on principle. He wasn’t stuck in some kind of moral dilemma, some magical trolley problem where he could either sell me out or forfeit his one-and-only chance at achieving a greater good.
He just didn’t care.
Didn’t care what happened to me one way or the other.
And that…
That hurts.
Hurts so badly it knocks the wind out of me.
I stare into the black surface of my coffee.
“…and then just a bunch of medicine cabinet shit, basic herbs and wards and things like that. Your mundane healing potions, minor protective talismans, et cetera, et cetera,” Morgan is finishing up. Her eyebrows draw. “I’m boring you,” she says flatly.
“What?” I startle a bit. “No! Never. I was just…”
“You’re a terrible liar. Your eyes are practically glazed over.” Morgan leans back in her chair. “Don’t worry. I don’t take it personally.”
“No,” I say again, squinting my eyes shut and then open again. “I’m just…I’m tired.” That much is true. “It’s been a long day.” I am genuinely interested in whatever Morgan’s…capable of. But it might need to wait for a time when I have less…processing to do, mentally.
Morgan nods sympathetically and reaches to pat my hand when her expression falters.
“What?” I say, panicked. I look back at Kai, but he’s motionless: reclined, arms crossed and boots on a chair, possibly asleep.
